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People nowadays are becoming very obese. In order to deal with this problem, some people suggest that government should make physical education mandatory in schools.to what extent do agree or disagree?

People nowadays are becoming very obese. In order to deal with this problem, some people suggest that government should make physical education mandatory in schools. kYDln
In today's, technological epoch a numerous children are becoming physically inactive. However, many people reckons that government should make physical activity as a necessary subject in the school curriculum. This essay will not only discuss why, I completely agree with the notion on the contrary reason for my stance will also be articulated in trailed paragraphs. In the inception, there are umpteen of reason why pupils should be motivated to perform physical exercise, but the prominent reason is that, if school goers are physically active than there would be overall development of students. Also, they will be maintained and will be fit and fine. To quote an example, from the recent news of CNA news that USA government had made it compulsory for every school to add extra circular activity in their teaching syllabus. Thus, this will not only beneficial for the physical health of the juveniles, but their mind will also reach a new horizon. Secondly, owing to the advancement in the technology children's are much attached with mobile and computers, due to which they are becoming couch potato. In addition, a numerous children's are suffering from major issue of overweighting as their mind is all the time on games and television. However, children are getting mentally and physically weak nowadays. To cite an example, from the recent survey of World Health Organization it states that, 70% of pupils studying in primary school are likely to have a health issue in near future in most of the developed countries across the globe. Hence, it is essential to encourage every school to have a physical education as a mandatory subject. In summary, since physical health plays a vital role, I firmly assert that government should take necessary steps to implement physical education in every educational institute as it will be profitable fot the overall growth of the children's.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's, technological epoch a numerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
are becoming
physically
inactive.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
reckons
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity as a necessary subject in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discuss why, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
on the contrary
reason for my stance will
also
be articulated
in trailed paragraphs.

In the inception, there are umpteen of reason why pupils should
be motivated
to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the prominent reason is that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
goers are
physically
Use "(active)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
active
than there would be
overall
development of students.
Also
, they will
be maintained
and will
be fit
and fine. To quote an example, from the recent news of CNA news that USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had made it compulsory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
extra circular activity in their teaching syllabus.
Thus
, this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the juveniles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their mind will
also
reach a new horizon.
Secondly
, owing to the advancement in the technology children's are much attached with mobile and computers, due to which they are becoming couch potato.
In addition
, a numerous children's are suffering from major issue of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
as their mind is all the time on games and television.
However
, children are getting mentally and
physically
weak nowadays. To cite an example, from the recent survey of World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization it states that, 70% of pupils studying in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are likely to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue in near future in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
across the globe.
Hence
, it is essential to encourage every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as a mandatory subject. In summary, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays a vital role, I
firmly
assert that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take necessary steps to implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in every educational institute as it will be profitable
Possible spelling mistake found.
fot
the
overall
growth of the children's.
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IELTS essay People nowadays are becoming very obese. In order to deal with this problem, some people suggest that government should make physical education mandatory in schools.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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