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People may have different view about whether or not it is better for people to allocate more time in their workplace.

People may have different view about whether or not it is better for people to allocate more time in their workplace. qak6P
People may have different view about whether or not it is better for people to allocate more time in their workplace. The following essay will shed light on the reasons before issuing why I wholeheartedly believe that this action will impose an adverse development in both health and lifestyle of the residents living in the society. There is a plethora of reasons for people to stay longer in workplace rather than elsewhere. First and foremost, so pressure was the deadlines that people have to retain their position even after working hours. In order to increase the job security and higher their competitiveness for promotion opportunities, employees have to work overtime to deliver the products as fast as they can to please their leaders. Then comes the raise in salary or promotion in short span of time as people work so hard to reach the achievements. Secondly, the more hours’ people spend at workplace after administrative hours, the more they may earn from the company. For example, many food coupons, transport fee and many other perks are given as workers’ compensation for working extra hours. The action can be seen as a negative tendency as their tremendously effects on people’s health. It goes without saying that overworking is the culprit for several severe physical and metal conditions such as spinal cord injury or depression in long term. By virtue of lacking exercises and outdoor activities, white- collar workers can also easily to loosen their connections with the society. This means that, arriving home late will give them less opportunity to communicate with their neighbors or their family who leave working place earlier. To sum up, as the aforementioned above, there are many compelling reasons for people to spend more time at workplace. Nevertheless, it is my conviction to believe that working overtime brings about many drawbacks for people lifestyle as well as their health condition mentally and physically.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to allocate more time in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. The following essay will shed light on the reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
issuing why I
wholeheartedly
believe that this action will impose an adverse development in both health and lifestyle of the residents living in the society.

There is a plethora of reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay longer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
rather
than elsewhere.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pressure was the deadlines that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
retain their position even after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours. In order to increase the job security and higher their competitiveness for promotion opportunities, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime to deliver the products as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as they can to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
their leaders. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the raise in salary or promotion in short span of time as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach the achievements.
Secondly
, the more hours’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
after administrative hours, the more they may earn from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
food coupons, transport fee and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other perks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as workers’ compensation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra hours.

The action can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tendency as their
tremendously
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. It goes without saying that overworking is the culprit for several severe physical and metal conditions such as spinal cord injury or depression in long term. By virtue of lacking exercises and outdoor activities, white- collar workers can
also
easily
to loosen their connections with the society. This means that, arriving home late will give them less opportunity to communicate with their neighbors or their family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
place earlier.

To sum up, as the aforementioned above, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
compelling reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend more time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
Nevertheless
, it is my conviction to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lifestyle
as well
as their health condition mentally and
physically
.
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IELTS essay People may have different view about whether or not it is better for people to allocate more time in their workplace.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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