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People can not change their personal traits

People can not change their personal traits KV00w
Nowadays, it is commonly known that genes predefine people's personality and this results in character traits, it is impossible to improve with this statement. Today, many people believe that character traits never ever change an it is choose by the genes. Yet, there are a great deal of scientists who research on this task. For instance, one Chinese biologist found that human behaviour and his characteristics could be altered by circumstances around and physical and emotional background. Because, when live and negotiate with more smart and improved community. It will be clearly seen people's changing to the good side. To sum up, if people could change the society they could change themselves, even it is difficult. On the after hand, there are numerous people who survive with their own temperament and scientific research shows that our temperament could not be be altered, because it is given by mother nature and genes. Furthermore, a great numbers of people are never able to change themselves due to that genes are not changeable. In general, it is true because no one can alter themselves. To conclude, from my point of view, if anybody want to change their own personal traits or behaviour. That's way they could and it is all up to individual development.
Nowadays, it is
commonly
known that genes predefine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personality and this results in character traits, it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with this statement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that character traits never ever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
Possible typo. Did you mean "an" or "it"?
an it
is
Consider using a past participle here: "chosen".
choose
by the genes.
Yet
, there are a great
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "deals"?
deal
of scientists who research on this task.
For instance
, one Chinese biologist found that human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and his characteristics could
be altered
by circumstances around and physical and emotional background.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and negotiate with more smart and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
community. It will be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's changing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side. To sum up, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the society they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
themselves, even it is difficult. On the after hand, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who survive with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
temperament and scientific research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that our temperament could not be
be altered
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by mother nature and genes.
Furthermore
, a great numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are never able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
themselves due to that genes are not changeable.
In general
, it is true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one can alter themselves.
To conclude
, from my point of view, if anybody
The pronoun 'anybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal traits or
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. That's way they could and it is all up to individual development.
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IELTS essay People can not change their personal traits

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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