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Do you think it is better to send criminals to jail or let them receive education or job training? v.1

Do you think it is better to send criminals to jail or let them receive education or job training? v. 1
All around the world, you cannot find a country without someone committing a crime. Also, it is obvious that we have to cope with criminals. But people are not of the same mind about how to treat them. Some see sending criminals to prison as the best way, while others believe in job training and education to be helpful and I partially agree with it. In the first place, it is a good way to encourage criminals to have a normal life. But changing their minds needs a friendly environment as they are close to accept any help or advice from those who are not like them. Here a rehab program could change their attitude in a positive way. At the same time, we should not forget the fact that most of the criminals commit crimes due to their lack of money and job. Thus, job training is what could help them to live a normal life after the rehab. This can benefit society as well; the period of education and rehab may result in reducing the rate crime and job training could guarantee a future full of prosperity. On the other hand, this policy may not work for who had committed a serious crime such as murdering a person. In this case these criminals deserve their sins and should be kept in prison and taken away from their basic human rights which is freedom. This may guarantee a safety for  others in society. However, it is obvious to all that the cost of running a prison is too much. The money which spend on running a prison, could be spent on something else that benefit the society as well. In this case, on building schools. At the same time, we should overlook the fact that not only people can affect each other in a negative way in prison, but also they can turn into a resentful person as well. All things considered, I am led to believe that of course prison is always a quick and can be said an easy answer to committing a crime, but given the level of crime, we should have different rehab program and prison is not the answer to committing a crime.
All around the world, you cannot find a country without someone committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Also
, it is obvious that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not of the same mind about how to treat them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
as the best way, while others believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training and education to be helpful and I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

In the
first
place, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to have a normal life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
changing their minds needs a friendly environment as they are close to accept any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or advice from those who are not like them. Here a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehab
program could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attitude in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. At the same time, we should not forget the fact that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
due to their lack of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training is what could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehab
. This can benefit society
as well
; the period of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehab
may result in reducing the rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
training could guarantee a future full of prosperity.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, this policy may not work for who had committed a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as murdering a person.
In this case
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
deserve their sins and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and taken away from their basic human rights which is freedom. This may guarantee a safety for
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
others in society.
However
, it is obvious to all that the cost of running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is too much. The money which spend on running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, could
be spent
on something else that benefit the society
as well
.
In this case
, on building schools. At the same time, we should overlook the fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can affect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can turn into a resentful person
as well
.

All things considered, I
am led
to believe that
of course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is always a quick and can
be said
an easy answer to committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, we should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rehab
program and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is not the answer to committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Do you think it is better to send criminals to jail or let them receive education or job training? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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