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People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v.5

People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 5
Recently, a great deal of individuals has become dormant and unsuitable which lead them to face some physical challenges. Having noxious foods, lacking regular exercise and being addicted much on technology can be prime causes of the health problems. However, to determine the problems, making understand the importance of healthy foods, expanding significance of health moving as well as reducing dependence on sophisticated technology. Becoming sluggish and unfit is fatal problems. One of the leading causes may be to eat unwholesome sustenances and to exercise rarely. Whenever people will eat morbid foods, they will confront several health related issues. As a result, they will no longer practice physical exercise which inhibits them to be industrious and adaptive. The second matter will be that increasing persons are entirely relying on technology such as they can manage almost requirements by staying home instead of going shopping, markets. So, they become lazy and dull. For instance, statistics demonstrate that in The USA, approximately 14% individuals are exorbitantly insipid and 23% youngs are reluctant to involve any work. As a consequence, they are becoming hardly coping up with the world. On the other hand, to resolve the problems, various substantial steps can be followed. Firstly, during eating, everyone has to be certain that the foods do not consist of contamination. On account of this, safe food movements can be initiated nationwide. The next action can be that the government can build a gymnasium and playground to secure that everyone can participate in physical practice routinely. For example, when the government of The USA noticed that a number of people became lethargic, then the government ordered to campaign concerning the necessity of wholesome foods in addition to construct playgrounds and gymnasiums as much as possible to forbear the curse of limping. To conclude, corporeal problems are lethal problems for all types of generations. The essay provided some reasons as to why people's fitness and activeness are declining gradually and put forward solutions how the challenges can surmount effectively.
Recently, a great deal of individuals has become dormant and unsuitable which lead them to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical challenges. Having noxious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, lacking regular exercise and
being addicted
much on technology can be prime causes of the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, to determine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, making understand the importance of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, expanding significance of health moving
as well
as reducing dependence on sophisticated technology.

Becoming sluggish and unfit is fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. One of the leading causes may be to eat unwholesome
Possible spelling mistake found.
sustenances
and to exercise rarely. Whenever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will eat morbid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they will confront
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some health".
several health
related issues.
As a result
, they will no longer practice physical exercise which inhibits them to be industrious and adaptive. The second matter will be that increasing persons are
entirely
relying on technology such as they can manage almost requirements by staying home
instead
of going shopping, markets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they become lazy and dull.
For instance
, statistics demonstrate that in The USA, approximately 14% individuals are
exorbitantly
insipid and 23%
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
are reluctant to involve any work. As a consequence, they are becoming hardly coping up with the world.

On the other hand
, to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, various substantial steps can
be followed
.
Firstly
, during eating, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be certain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
do not consist of contamination. On account of this, safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
movements can
be initiated
nationwide. The
next
action can be that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can build a gymnasium and playground to secure that everyone can participate in physical practice
routinely
.
For example
, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of The USA noticed that a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
became lethargic, then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ordered to campaign concerning the necessity of wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in addition
to construct playgrounds and gymnasiums as much as possible to forbear the curse of limping.

To conclude
, corporeal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are lethal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for all types of generations. The essay provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons as to why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's fitness and activeness are declining
gradually
and put forward solutions how the challenges can surmount
effectively
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People in the current generation are not fit and active, and it will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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