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People in many countries do not wear their traditional costume. Some argue that they would forget their history and tradition. Do you agree or disagre

People in many countries do not wear their traditional costume. Some argue that they would forget their history and tradition. Do you agree or disagre XGg5Y
People in many provinces are not inclined to traditional attire, they prefer wearing clothes that are comfortable to them. Some of them believe the dress one wears determines tradition. I don’t agree to this statement. Firstly, selection of clothes are dependent on individual choices and comfort zone and these are not decided by tradition or history, it merely is about the latest fashion trends, people and place where one lives. An individual chooses to wear certain dress on the basis of whether it looks good on them or not, and are they aligned with latest trend, this does not alter their customary values. Values are a part of perception and not outlook. For example, let us consider life of an actor/actress they are the most classy people with all type of costumes but at the end of the day the celebrate the festivities with family and do carry on their tradition. Secondly, I would like to point out that one cannot wear conventional dresses to offices or place where he/she works because these institutions have a formal dress codes to be followed, this doesn’t mean that working population don’t value their roots. The traditional dress allows a person to identify people from different area but not their history or belief. For instance a teacher cannot wear traditional clothes to school because schools have standards regarding the attire one wears which should be uniform throughout. To conclude with, Tradition and history are values that are passed on from generation to generation which does not have anything to do with the costumes of an individual and one should not confuse this with the clothing a person wears. Hence I don’t agree to this theory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
provinces are not inclined to traditional attire, they prefer wearing clothes that are comfortable to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
determines tradition. I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement.

Firstly
, selection of clothes are dependent on individual choices and comfort zone and these are not decided by tradition or history, it
merely
is about the latest fashion trends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and place where one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. An individual chooses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
on the basis of whether it looks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
on them or not, and are they aligned with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trend, this does not alter their customary values. Values are a part of perception and not outlook.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us consider life of an actor/actress they are the most classy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with all type of costumes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'celebrate' is correct. If 'celebrate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the celebrate
the festivities with family and do carry on their tradition.

Secondly
, I would like to point out that one cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
to offices or place where he/she works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these institutions have a formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
codes to
be followed
, this doesn’t mean that working population don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
their roots. The traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a person to identify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not their history or belief.
For instance
a teacher cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
traditional clothes to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
schools have standards regarding the attire one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
which should be uniform throughout.

To conclude
with, Tradition and history are values that
are passed
on from generation to generation which does not have anything to do with the costumes of an individual and one should not confuse this with the clothing a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this theory.
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IELTS essay People in many countries do not wear their traditional costume. Some argue that they would forget their history and tradition. Do you agree or disagre

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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