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Advertisement is really in success

Advertisement is really in success 9L320
I think advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. We can find advertisements on the Internet, on TV, in town and so on. Advertisements on the Internet usually use our information like fashion so they are more fascinating for us. Also, it is impossible for us to avoid them. We are able to see them on almost of all site. In addition, commercial advertisement on TV is also arranged very well. If you watch a TV program late at night, you are able to recognize a lot of advertisements about snacks and sweets. They broadcast them on purpose because people often feel hungry at that time.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. We can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on the Internet, on TV, in town and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
on the Internet
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our information like fashion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are more fascinating for us.
Also
, it is impossible for us to avoid them. We are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them on almost of all site.
In addition
, commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on TV is
also
arranged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a TV program late at night, you are able to recognize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about snacks and sweets. They broadcast them on purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel hungry at that time.

IELTS essay Advertisement is really in success

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
109 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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