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Why advertisement has been playing a negative effect in our life ?

Why advertisement has been playing a negative effect in our life? 56J1e
Why advertisement has been playing a negative effect in our life? Of Course for several reasons: firstly, it motivates the psychological point in everyone, and women in particular. They will run to buy this advertised product especially if it’s from cosmetic roof, just to show their beauty to men, which may lead to negative effects of too much sexual attention. Secondly, you can sit comfortably with your family and suddenly the telephone is ringing, but it’s nothing important, it’s just another company try to convince you to buy one of their products. It is a real intrusive example of advertisement. Lastly, sometimes you do not have the financial ability to buy something, but with these new methods of advertisement, you will run to buy it, which will affect your budget.
Why advertisement has been playing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect in our life?
Of Course
for several reasons:
firstly
, it motivates the psychological point in everyone, and women
in particular
. They will run to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
this advertised product
especially
if it’s from cosmetic roof,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their beauty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, which may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of too much sexual attention.
Secondly
, you can sit
comfortably
with your family and
suddenly
the telephone is ringing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
try to convince you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
one of their products. It is a real intrusive example of advertisement.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
you do not have the financial ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
something,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with these new methods of advertisement, you will run to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it, which will affect your budget.
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IELTS essay Why advertisement has been playing a negative effect in our life?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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