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We no longer pay attention to advertising?

We no longer pay attention to advertising? RNKEY
I think it is sure that We tend to buy something new by watching advertisements. Advertising has an effect on our shopping. It consists of great information which we interest in. When we get some information we want to buy by advertisements, our concern increases. So advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. On the other hand, some people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. I think the idea comes from decreasing the number of people who watch TV programs and opportunity of reading newspapers. A number of people have an own cellphone or desktop. We can have a lot of information whenever we want to know by surfing on these devises. For these facts some people think we no longer pay attention to advertisements. I suggest that we are still effected by advertising. We do not have opportunities to see TV and newspapers. However, more and more advertisements are in the internet. Some companies of advertising have a lot of strategies to show them for many people. The style of it changes with change of time. People search something they need and want to get, the data lead new information. More people search something with our cellphone and desktop, more information is in the internet. In conclusion, I make sure advertising still makes us aggressive to buy something. A lot of advertising which we often see in various situations is based on our demands. So we want to buy anything we watch in the advertising.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
In English, people don't say 'it is sure'. They say, 'it is certain that'. Did you mean "it is certain"?
it is sure
that We tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
new by watching advertisements. Advertising has an effect on our shopping. It consists of great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which we interest in. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
by advertisements, our concern increases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention to it. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from decreasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV programs and opportunity of reading newspapers. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cellphone or desktop. We can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
whenever we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to know by surfing on these devises. For these facts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we no longer pay attention to advertisements.

I suggest that we are
still
effected by advertising. We do not have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
TV and newspapers.
However
, more and more advertisements are
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
of advertising have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strategies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The style of it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
they need and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, the data lead new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
with our cellphone and desktop, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure advertising
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us aggressive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
advertising which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in various situations
is based
on our demands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
anything we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
in the advertising.
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IELTS essay We no longer pay attention to advertising?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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