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PEOPLE IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES HAVE THE TENDENCY TO BUY MORE AND MORE THINGS WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR NOT. IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

PEOPLE IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES HAVE THE TENDENCY TO BUY MORE AND MORE THINGS WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR NOT. IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT? BaR2V
It is an irrefutable fact that people nowadays are incline towards buying latest technologies or shopping new trends, where it is observed that individual in a developed nation have a curiosity to buy new products weather the product is fruitful or not. This essay would shed the light on how purchasing new things can have beneficial effect on a personal and national level. To commence with, people buying more products can play a significant role in boosting up economy of a country. As a company come across the higher demand of product not only, they would increase the labour but also will contribute to the nation because the country’s economy will raise with increase in demand of the product therefore increase employment rate thus increase in the worker force will significantly increase the tax payers in the nation. To exemplify, a research from Oxford University, it states that the demand of new technologies boomed among public which results in increase in economy. Nevertheless, buying new products can contribute to live a luxurious lifestyle moreover can help an individual to fulfil personal desires. Buying desired things can be helpful in many ways not only a person would feel confident by having it but also can motivate him. In addition, to acquire these desires one will emphasis on his work in order to achieve his requirement which will also ultimately boost economy as individual earning is directly proportional to taxes paid by them. For example, according to a survey, it is manifested that people are working hard to earn more income to fulfil their desires. In the final reckoning, I tend to reiterate that purchasing new good can directly and indirectly pay to the nation economy and by buying desired products can boost person’s motivation, confident and urge to earn money.
It is an irrefutable fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are incline towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies or shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
trends, where it
is observed
that individual in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
have a curiosity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
weather the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is fruitful or not. This essay would shed the light on how purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things can have beneficial effect on a personal and national level.

To commence with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can play a significant role in boosting up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a country. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across the higher demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
will raise with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
employment rate
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the worker force will
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the tax payers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. To exemplify,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
from Oxford University, it states that the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies boomed among public which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in economy.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious lifestyle
moreover
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual to fulfil personal desires.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
desired things can be helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a person would feel confident by having it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can motivate him.
In addition
, to acquire these desires one will
Did you mean "emphasize" (American English) or "emphasise" (British English)?
emphasis
on his work in order to achieve his requirement which will
also
ultimately
boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
as individual earning is
directly
proportional to taxes paid by them.
For example
, according to a survey, it
is manifested
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn more income to fulfil their desires.

In the final reckoning, I tend to reiterate that purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
can
directly
and
indirectly
pay to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can boost person’s motivation, confident and urge
Did you mean "earning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'urge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to earn
money.
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IELTS essay PEOPLE IN DEVELOPED COUNTRIES HAVE THE TENDENCY TO BUY MORE AND MORE THINGS WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR NOT. IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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