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People have to have savings when they retire. How far do you agree or disagree?

People have to have savings when they retire. How far qaYra
Retirement is a period were a person has different thought and required relax life style. Financial savings thus place a vital roll in ensuring stability and security in one’s life. Therefore, I completely opine the view that people must have adequate savings especially during old age. To begin with savings lends a wide rang of assistances with the progressing age once’s body becomes weak and fragile leading to many diseases. Also, nowadays medication and treatment are of prior concern for a retiring person, financial stability will only take care him during that period. For instance, in china it is compulsory to give money for government pension scheme to avail retired benefit, and as per data it is really helpful for the people who do not have savings due to low income. Moreover, life after retirement becomes dull and boring and therefore people who save money can spent those amounts to fulfill their dreams which they could not do during their young age due to work and responsibilities. In addition to that life after quitting a job is quit challenging. Consequently, that the elderly person is no longer a bread winner for himself for his family. He is forced to live at the mercy of his children. As a result, the elderly loses his self-esteem and self-satisfaction if he does not have thick wallet. In consultation, I believe that saving money for future may help to elderly people in various ways such as for medical needs, and they can live independent life without any burden on their children.
Retirement is a period were a person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and required relax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style. Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
thus
place a vital roll in ensuring stability and security in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, I completely opine the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
especially
during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
lends a wide rang of
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
with the progressing age once’s body becomes weak and fragile leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.
Also
, nowadays medication and treatment are of prior concern for a retiring person, financial stability will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take care him during that period.
For instance
, in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
it is compulsory to give money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pension scheme to avail retired benefit, and as per data it is
really
helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
due to low income.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after retirement becomes dull and boring and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who save money can spent those amounts to fulfill their dreams which they could not do during their young age due to work and responsibilities.
In addition
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after quitting a job
is quit
challenging.
Consequently
, that the elderly person is no longer a bread winner for himself for his family. He
is forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at the mercy of his children.
As a result
, the elderly loses his self-esteem and self-satisfaction if he does not have thick wallet.

In consultation, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
money for future may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various ways such as for medical needs, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any burden on their children.
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IELTS essay People have to have savings when they retire. How far

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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