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People have many different opinions about the effects of modern communication technology on social relationships, international economy or design sciences.

People have many different opinions about the effects of modern communication technology on social relationships, international economy or design sciences. BYYDa
Over the last few decades, social network has been promoted significantly in much of the world. Some adopt a view that there are many potential merits and demerits of using social media that affect on our daily life. However, to the best of my knowledge, the increase of using social network brings us various potential positive effects. Discussed below are several factors that support my perspective. People should first realize that the advent of online community has facilitated our life. Anecdotal evidence shows that unlike the breakthroughs in the past which were approachable to a few groups of people, the social platform has nowadays gained currency throughout the world, providing a great help to its users both in work and daily life. America, where their subjects have witnessed a rapid development of the economy thanks to the application of telecommuting into business. , could be taken as a particularly salient example of this. However, perhaps the strongest argument in favor of this theory is the extreme convenience of social websites. Not only does it give people an easier connection to each other but also broaden their linkage to the world. Social network like Facebook, Instagram, Skype, which allow high quality video call via smart phones, which can be taken as a good example of this. In fact, as a result of being able to transfer messages through cyber space without face to face meeting, modern citizens could conduct their business easier compare to the people in previous generations who had to travel long distances to convey message. Ignoring the benefits of social media is thereby a grave mistake. The abovementioned facts have given us an outline of the merits that related to the increase of using internet community. Whilst it is still an intensive debate. Nevertheless, in my opinion, it promises to bring its users a huge number of advantages in the future.
Over the last few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network has
been promoted
significantly
in much of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
adopt a view that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential merits and demerits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media that
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on our daily life.
However
, to the best of my knowledge, the increase of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network brings us various potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects. Discussed below are several factors that support my perspective.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
first
realize that the advent of online community has facilitated our life. Anecdotal evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that unlike the breakthroughs in the past which were approachable to a few groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platform has nowadays gained currency throughout the world, providing a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to its users both in work and daily life. America, where their subjects have witnessed a rapid development of the economy thanks to the application of telecommuting into business.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
could
be taken
as a
particularly
salient example of this.

However
, perhaps the strongest argument in favor of this theory is the extreme convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
an easier connection to each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
broaden their linkage to the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
network like Facebook, Instagram, Skype, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
high quality video call via smart phones, which can
be taken
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this. In fact,
as a result
of being able to transfer messages through cyber space without face to face meeting, modern citizens could conduct their business easier compare to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in previous generations who had to travel long distances to convey message. Ignoring the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media is thereby a grave mistake.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
facts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us an outline of the merits that related to the increase of using internet community. Whilst it is
still
an intensive debate.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, it promises to bring its users a huge number of advantages in the future.
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IELTS essay People have many different opinions about the effects of modern communication technology on social relationships, international economy or design sciences.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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