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Advantages and Disadvantages about a large family

Advantages and Disadvantages about a large family DVVWk
In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Of course there were advantages and disadvantages being a member of a big family. I think there were three main advantages. First of all, in a large family you had always people around you who you could trust or speak with or play with. So you learned social skills at very young age. Secondly, sometimes every children fight with their brothers or sisters for sure. So that fights learned they a ability for defend their selfs. The last main reason was learned something at home about everything. Different generations lived together so young children learned many things from their elder brothers or sisters. I think many of the disadvantages were personal. Firstly, because of a big family they could not have me time. Everywhere they went or looked there were people around here and sometimes it was a bad thing to who needs a lonely time for their selfs. But in my view, the biggest problem was that parents could not pay so much attention to individual children. In my opinion, the advantages of large families were better than the disadvantages. For personal you had less attention with a big family but you grove up like a strong, social person and that was a good thing for your job or school life or other relationships like that.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
were larger in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had more children.
Of course
there were advantages and disadvantages being a member of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there were three main advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
you had always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around you who you could trust or speak with or play with.
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So
you
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learned
social
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skills
at
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very
young age.
Secondly
,
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sometimes
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
fight with their brothers or sisters for sure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that fights
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
they
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ability for defend their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "selves", the plural form of the noun 'self'?
selfs
. The last main reason was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
something at home about everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young children
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learned
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many
things from their elder brothers or sisters.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the disadvantages were personal.
Firstly
,
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because
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
they could not have me time. Everywhere they went or looked there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around here and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing to who needs a lonely time for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "selves", the plural form of the noun 'self'?
selfs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my view, the biggest problem was that parents could not pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much attention to individual children.

In my opinion, the advantages of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
were better than the disadvantages. For
The comma is probably missing here: "personal, you".
personal you
had less attention with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you grove
up like a strong, social person and that was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing for your job or school life or other relationships like that.
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IELTS essay Advantages and Disadvantages about a large family

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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