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people have different views about the reason of immigration. why do people immigrate?

people have different views about the reason of immigration. why do people immigrate? Nyjqb
People have different views about the purpose of immigration. I would argue that numerous people immigrate abroad in order to gain new experiences and better job opportunities. To begin with, the main purpose of immigration is a strong desire of better life quality and safe future. Numerous people from deprived countries who move abroad in order to find better paid jobs. Therefore, they can earn a good income and improve their life quality. Moreover, living in a wealthy country in which it has a stable economic has several benefits. Firstly, People can earn their money for their retirement. Secondly the risk of bankruptcy is less in develop countries. For example, the number of immigrates from India to the USA is significantly increase each year due to these facts. Furthermore, there are a number of people and especially students who tend to immigrate regarding gaining new experiences. Some students find it enjoyable and beneficial to meet new people from different walks of life. Therefore, they can easily learn about new cultures, how to struggle with life difficulties and more importantly they will be able to speak other languages which has a good impact on their professional career. For instance, the University of California in the USA has a dramatical increase of international students that are tend to apply in order to improve their educations and experience life in abroad. To sum up, with reasons that mentioned above, I would argue that people immigrants to develop countries in order to gain new experiences and better paid jobs.
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People
have
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different
views about the purpose of immigration. I would argue that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate abroad in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main purpose of immigration is a strong desire of
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better
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life
quality and safe future. Numerous
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people
from deprived
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countries
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad in
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order
to find
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better
paid jobs.
Therefore
, they can earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
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life
quality.
Moreover
, living in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in which it has a stable economic has several benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can earn their money for their retirement.
Secondly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of bankruptcy is less in develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, the number of immigrates from India to the USA is
significantly
Consider using a past participle here: "increased".
increase
each year due to these facts.

Furthermore
, there are a number of
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people
and
especially
students who tend to immigrate regarding gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students find it enjoyable and beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, they can
easily
learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures, how to struggle with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficulties and more
importantly
they will be able to speak other languages which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on their professional career.
For instance
, the University of California in the USA has a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
increase of international students that are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to apply in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their educations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in abroad.

To sum up, with reasons that mentioned above, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrants to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
paid jobs.
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IELTS essay people have different views about the reason of immigration. why do people immigrate?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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