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People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university?

People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university? x0ORw
Because of the complexities of modern life, in order to be succeeded, everyone has to have advanced education to be prepared for this competitive world. Although sometimes it is practically possible to be self-educated, learning systematically, like attending university or college is a more preferable method. Universities have many advantages, but the most important one is that they required us to be well-prepared for our future careers. There are several reasons why I feel this way, two of which are going to be aptly explored in the following essay. First, attending university is not just about getting a degree, but we have the golden opportunity to interact with students and professors, which help us to expand our network with the ones who are likely to help us in our future life. In contrast, if we are out of university, we may have some skills, but because of the confined circle of our professional network, we will have more struggles in our business. For instance, several years ago, when I was at university studying my undergraduate, I had many opportunities to find new friends from a variety of majors. By attending the soccer team of our department, I could make relationships with students from computer majors and social science. After graduation, I continued and cemented relationships with them. Thanks to my networking potential, I could start a business by enlisting the helping hand of my college friends. Our business is based on multidisciplinary research, using a variety of disciplines. If had not found good friends from university, it would have been very challenging to be succeeded in today’s competitive world. Second, universities are not just about establishing friendships, but also we can use the opportunity of learning skill sets that will be very useful in our career. For instance, when I was at university, studying urban planning for a master's degree, I had a specific opportunity to learn some special skills. In my dorm there was a student from computer programming major, I could learn the C++ language, which is so important in my own major. Additionally, from my professor, I could learn some economical models that I used in my career as a way of economic empowerment of poor people of our local community. It may seem reasonable that we can learn these kinds of skills on our own without attending university, but it is a mentally demanding task which a few numbers individuals can be succeeded. On balance, I firmly believe that universities have many advantages to help us to succeed in our careers. This is because they not only help us to extend our relationship with different people but also provide us the golden opportunity to learn skills that will be mostly impossible to get them in other ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the complexities of modern life, in order to
be succeeded
, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have advanced education to
be prepared
for this competitive world. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
practically
possible to be self-educated, learning
systematically
, like attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college is a more preferable method.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that they required us to be well-prepared for our future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. There are several reasons why I feel this way, two of which are going to be
aptly
explored in the following essay.

First
, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about getting a degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we have the golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to interact with students and professors, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to expand our network with the ones who are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us in our future life.
In contrast
, if we are out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, we may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the confined circle of our professional network, we will have more struggles in our business.
For instance
, several years ago, when I was at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studying my undergraduate, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to find new friends from a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
. By attending the soccer team of our department, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationships with students from computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
and social science. After graduation, I continued and cemented relationships with them. Thanks to my networking potential, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business by enlisting the helping hand of my college friends. Our business
is based
on multidisciplinary research, using a variety of disciplines. If had not found
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, it would have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging to
be succeeded
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about establishing friendships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
For instance
, when I was at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, studying urban planning for a master's degree, I had a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my dorm there was a student from computer programming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
, I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the C++ language, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
Additionally
, from my professor, I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economical models that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as a way of economic empowerment of poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of our local community. It may seem reasonable that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a mentally demanding task which a few numbers individuals can
be succeeded
.

On balance, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to succeed in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to extend our relationship with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide us the golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that will be
mostly
impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them in other ways.

IELTS essay People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
461 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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