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Youngsters these days spend a lot of time on their mobile phones. Why are phones so attractive? What impacts does this have?

Youngsters these days spend a lot of time on their mobile phones. Why are phones so attractive? What impacts does this have? 7WLXX
Nowadays, we depend on mobiles phones to keep ourselves informed and prepare ourselves and our loved ones in this ever changing world, especially youngsters. They use it too many times because of the attractiveness of the phones. This has many positive and negative effects. Everyone has to admit that Mobile phones are so attractive. Many young people often suffer from the syndrome called NOPHOBIA. Firstly, Mobile phones are a great resource for information about entertainment as well as learning. At the same time, Phones, or Facebook and Instagram, possess a special weapon: variable rewards. It is exactly what we get when we open the phone. It is because of the "uncertainty" of the "reward" that we are always curious every time our phone turns on. Secondly, Because online learning leads to young people abusing the use of phones. Excessive use of mobile phones causes negative influences on human health. When youngsters are exposed to the blue light emitted by mobile phones, they increase the risk of eye diseases such as: myopia or nearsightedness. Thus, vision will be significantly reduced, hindering work and life. Generally, phones also causes diseases such as curvature of the spine or spine pain. Not only physical diseases, but it also affects young people mentally. You will experience Chronic Insomnia Syndrome. This is because smartphones emit blue light that inhibits the production of the sleep hormone melatonin, disrupts your circadian rhythm and reduces the depth of sleep. This leads to constant depression and anxiety, which reduces efficiency at work. In the future, young people will face higher risk of unemployment. Because of many harmful effects, young people should form a healthy lifestyle and limit phone use as much as possible.
Nowadays, we depend on mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves informed and prepare ourselves and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in this
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever changing
world,
especially
youngsters. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the attractiveness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
admit that Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attractive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from the syndrome called
Possible spelling mistake found.
NOPHOBIA
.
Firstly
, Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are a great resource for information about entertainment
as well
as learning. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phones
, or Facebook and Instagram, possess a special weapon: variable rewards. It is exactly what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when we open the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
uncertainty
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
of the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
reward
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
that we are always curious every time our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
turns on.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
online learning leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abusing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of phones.

Excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on human health. When youngsters
are exposed
to the blue light emitted by mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, they increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of eye diseases such as: myopia or nearsightedness.
Thus
, vision will be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, hindering work and life.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
also
causes diseases such as curvature of the spine or spine pain. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mentally. You will experience Chronic Insomnia Syndrome. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
smartphones emit blue light that inhibits the production of the sleep hormone melatonin, disrupts your circadian rhythm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the depth of sleep. This leads to constant depression and anxiety, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
efficiency at work. In the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of unemployment.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful effects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should form a healthy lifestyle and limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as much as possible.

IELTS essay Youngsters these days spend a lot of time on their mobile phones. Why are phones so attractive? What impacts does this have?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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