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People generally buy the things not because they need it but it is because others have it. Agree and disagree? v.1

People generally buy the things not because they need it but it is because others have it. Agree and disagree? v. 1
In contemporary society, generally people buy many things in routine life because they required those things. But sometimes people are purchasing those things because of other have it, make standard in society and commercial advertisement. I agree the statement that people buy the things not for their requirement but they buy things because of others have it. I favor the statement because of following reasons. To begin with, young generations are more allured the new things such as electronic gadget, trendy attires, automobiles etc. It is normally happened that children are force to their parent to buying new things because their friends have it. I had experience in my home. One month ago, my younger brother bring new smart phone because of his friend has that phone. Although his has not need phone for study, he buy it. Furthermore, some people boast to other that he/she is belonging to richer or wealthier family. It is most happened in the city area, where people buy unnecessary thing for only show up not buy for really needs. For an example, in my society everyone has own car, my neighbor is new in the society. After, one month she buy car. Her mother asked her why she buy expensive car. She told her mother that she bought it because of she feel shy that she only has no own car and all society members have their own car to each family member that is a reasons she buy car. I really shocked at that time to listen her reasons that she buy car for only show off that she also richer and her father has also car. Moreover, advertisement and friend influence to people. Sometimes people misunderstand or attract things and buying it. People see the advertisement of products on television, media, and newspaper. And when some friend talk about the products and their feature people easily attracted to the product because of he has already see the feature in advertisement and friend also talking about that. For an instance, I recently bought mop because of my friend and sales manger insist me that it is benefit to us that easily cleaning the floor without hard work. In brief, contemplating all the aforementioned reasons, children as well as adults buy the things because other people have it. This situations happened because of influence of friend and relative, for maintain status is society, and attraction of things.
In contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in routine life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they required those things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are purchasing those things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
have it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
standard in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things not for their requirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of others have it. I favor the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, young generations are more allured the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things such as electronic gadget, trendy attires, automobiles etc. It is
normally
happened that children are force to their parent to buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have it. I had experience in my home. One month ago, my younger brother bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
smart phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
has that phone. Although his has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "needed".
need
phone for study, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "buys", "bought".
buy
it.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
boast to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
that he/she
The verb 'belonging' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is belonging
to richer or wealthier family. It is most happened in the city area, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary thing for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
for
really
needs. For an example, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
everyone has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, my neighbor is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
, one month she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "buys", "bought".
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. Her mother asked her why she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "buys", "bought".
buy
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her mother that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it
Probable usage error. Use "because she" instead.
because of she
feel shy that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
members have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to each family member
that is
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a reason" or simply "reasons"?
a reasons
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "buys", "bought".
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. I
really
shocked at that time to listen her reasons that she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off that
It seems that a verb is missing after "she". Please verify.
she
also
richer and her father has
also
car.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
influence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
misunderstand or attract things and buying it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
products on television, media, and newspaper. And when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
talk about the products and their feature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
attracted to the product
Probable usage error. Use "because he" instead.
because of he
has already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "seen".
see
the feature in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
also
talking about that. For an instance, I recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
mop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and sales manger insist me that it is benefit to us that
easily
cleaning the floor without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

In brief
, contemplating all the aforementioned reasons, children
as well
as adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have it.
Did you mean "these"?
This
situations happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and relative, for maintain status is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and attraction of things.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay People generally buy the things not because they need it but it is because others have it. Agree and disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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