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people find it difficult to define happiness

people find it difficult to define happiness KWY1N
People agree that happiness is essential for their life. However, some people are find it difficult to find/ discover the sacred meaning of their own happiness. Many people eager to do anything with their own ways. It is because happiness is too personal and could not be compared with others. It has a wider spectrum to describe. It depends on their personal history, experience, education, interaction and environment which could shape their own perspective then will determine their own life. In my opinion, defining a meaning of happiness might be difficult if they have not really understood and known about their self. Moreover, people tend to compare their self with others, especially in this massive digital media era. People are easy to conclude certain aspects by judging others through social media which might be hard to be validated. This attitude will be potential distraction of their original goal so that they try to follow others without considering properly about the future impact and risk. Furthermore, I strongly believe there are a number of important factors regarding to achieve people’s happiness. First, being humble and honest to their true colour will help them to define their real version of happiness. Humble will reduce your ego which might lead you to accept yourself and will never compare your uniqueness with others. On the other hand, being honest with your own self will let you to be/ becoming more conscious by accepting your strength and weakness. Then embrace it by utilizing your every potential to leap up in a better version of you. Moreover, you will find the real meaning of your life by defining the real purpose of yours. In conclusion, never compare yourself with others, because we have our own uniqueness and I strongly believe that people have their own roles in this world, so we could not standardize every happiness in this universe. Let’s celebrate this diversity with peace and sustain the harmony by collaboration in order to create happiness/ joy for all. Yellow = recommended parts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is essential for their life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are find
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
difficult to find/ discover the sacred meaning of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eager to do anything with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is too personal and could not
be compared
with others. It has a wider spectrum to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
depends on their personal history, experience, education, interaction and environment which could shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective then will determine their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.

In my opinion, defining a meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
might be difficult if they have not
really
understood and known about their self.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to compare their self with others,
especially
in this massive digital media era.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are easy
to conclude
certain aspects by judging others through social media which might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
be validated
. This attitude will be potential distraction of their original goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they try to follow others without considering
properly
about the future impact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Furthermore
, I
strongly
believe there are a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
First
, being humble and honest to their true
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to define their real version of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Humble will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
your ego which might lead you to accept yourself and will never compare your uniqueness with others. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, being honest with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you to be/ becoming more conscious by accepting your strength and weakness. Then embrace it by utilizing your every potential to leap up in a better version of you.
Moreover
, you will find the real meaning of your life by defining the real purpose of yours.

In conclusion
, never compare yourself with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
uniqueness and I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
roles in this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we could not standardize every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in this universe.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s celebrate this diversity with peace and sustain the harmony by collaboration in order to create happiness/ joy for all.

Yellow = recommended parts
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IELTS essay people find it difficult to define happiness

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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