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People do not feel happiness from their job if they work in two places .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People do not feel happiness from their job if they work in two places. 70mj5
Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether working in two companies such is in two places resulted as it is the highest factor of losing the sense of happiness from their occupation or whether the opposite has become caseThis essay will discuss both sides using the exact datas to demonstrate points and prove arguments with the reason why u really agree with the statementOn the one hand, working multiple jobs will commonly needs a maximum responsibility for the profession which office the eployees are working in. What is going to be referenced is that, every detailed projects have to be done during the work hours while it is not cared if you have second job or not. The central reason behind this is lack of spare time and plethora of problems seen on health which are commonly faced during in more than 1 job process. Most people find it hard to spend much time with their tight-knit family members or friends as they have 2 professions. Not only this, but also, it is often surprisingly thought that, idnividuals for money with the power of their health but after some years this process will change into taking a nurse-caring for money. On the other side of the argument, working in two places has its some benefits as well as having a great amount of income, communication with other to get sociable, broadening horizons, and sometimes a sense of prospection that should not be ignored. A good illustration for this is that, have twice more salary will provide a familt with a great lifestyle, super-good quality education or creating more careers. To sum up, i pen down saying that, it should be considered all drawbacks such as lack of free time, health problems ( stress, headache etc) and unabling to feel the taste of life while making a desicion to work in more than one company
Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such is in two places resulted as it is the highest factor of losing the sense of happiness from their occupation or whether the opposite has become
Possible spelling mistake found.
caseThis
essay will discuss both sides using the exact
Possible spelling mistake found.
datas
to demonstrate points and prove arguments with the reason why u
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
statementOn
the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
multiple jobs will
commonly
needs a maximum responsibility for the profession which office the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eployees
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in. What is going to
be referenced
is that, every detailed projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be done
during the work hours while it is not cared if you have second job or not. The central reason behind this is lack of spare time and plethora of problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on health which are
commonly
faced during in more than 1 job process. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to spend much time with their tight-knit family members or friends as they have 2 professions. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
surprisingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
idnividuals
for money with the power of their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years this process will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
into taking a nurse-caring for money. On the other side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in two places has
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits
as well
as having a great amount of income, communication with other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sociable, broadening horizons, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospection
that should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is that, have twice more salary will provide a
Possible spelling mistake found.
familt
with a great lifestyle, super-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education or creating more careers. To sum up,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
pen down saying that, it should
be considered
all drawbacks such as lack of free time, health problems
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, headache etc) and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unabling
to feel the taste of life while making a
Possible spelling mistake found.
desicion
to work in more than one
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
company
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IELTS essay People do not feel happiness from their job if they work in two places.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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