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A little girl has became a winner notwithstanding of falling soon after race start.

A little girl has became a winner notwithstanding of falling soon after race start. VPGMO
In recent years, the changes about role of men and women in the family have become a major issue to the general public. The men give more time for their family and the women can pursue their jobs. many residents conceive that this issue has many benefits. However, other believe that it could also some negative. In my view, I completely agree with former idea. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective. First and foremost, people should recognize that this development has many advantages. A very important point I would like to mention is that the men can tend to contribute more time taking cake of their children and family. this mean that the children would feel happy when receive love from both farther and mother. In addition, another point is that the family members have become closer because the men and women often take care their kids. therefore, it is maked to improve happy of family. Furthermore, in addition of a benefit of the changes of men in family, I would like to mention is that the changes of women in nowadays. In fact, the contribution of women in jobs is that make to increase money for their family, therefore they could become successful in business as well as social. Besides in some special careers, they are only perfect for women. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention is that the women would have advantages in the teachers of in garden school jobs. Last but not least, this development contributes for the balance between men and women. To sum up, the above-mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this problem, and it is still a controversial of this issue. people should take advantages of this trend. As far as, I am concerned I put more highlight for positive development. people should have further consideration on this issue A little girl has became a winner notwithstanding of falling soon after race start.
In recent years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
about role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have become a major issue to the
Consider using "public".
general public
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
give more time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can pursue their jobs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
residents conceive that this issue has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
However
, other believe that it could
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. In my view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should recognize that this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point I would like to mention is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can tend to contribute more time taking cake of their children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
mean that the children would feel happy when receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from both farther and mother.
In addition
, another point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have become closer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take care their kids.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "made", the past tense form of the verb 'make'?
maked
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
happy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Furthermore
,
in addition
of a benefit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I would like to mention is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
. In fact, the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in jobs is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to increase money for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
therefore
they could become successful in business
as well
as social.
Besides
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special careers, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perfect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would have advantages in the teachers of in garden school jobs. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, this development contributes for the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women.

To sum up, the above-mentioned facts have created a dilemma when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
evaluate the impact of this problem, and it is
still
The phrase 'a controversial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a controversial of
this issue.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should take advantages of this trend. As far as, I
am concerned
I put more highlight for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should have
further
consideration on this issue

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
a winner notwithstanding of falling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after race
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
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IELTS essay A little girl has became a winner notwithstanding of falling soon after race start.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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