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People Choosing To Have Cosmetic Surgery. Is this a positive or negative development?

People Choosing To Have Cosmetic Surgery. Is this a positive or negative development? kbWyR
In recent years, some people have decided to undergo body enhancement through surgery in order to make their appearance more appealing. In my opinion, there are different reasons why they need it and I believe this trend is favorable but sometimes problematic. To begin with, there are people who choose to make body enhancements with the help of cosmetic or plastic surgeons because they are deemed necessary. For example, patients who are victims of incidents like acid attacks or being involved in car accidents that affect their physical appearance. These kinds of people are left with no choice but to undertake surgery. They need the help of surgeons to make their outer appearance look pleasing. In this case, cosmetic surgery or plastic surgery is extremely beneficial as it rebuilds the patients’ self-esteem and helps them live normally as other people do. However, there are some who decide to get surgery to make their looks more attractive because they simply want to fit in or get validated by people who set beauty standards. In other words, these people are pressured by what they see on social media or on advertisements about cosmetic surgery. They think that in order for them to be recognized and valued, they need to have surgery. Also, they believe that doing so will make them more confident about themselves and successfully fulfill the definition of what beauty is. Although it is their right to enhance their looks, the fact that their decision is influenced by societal pressures is psychologically damaging. In conclusion, people differ in their reasons for undergoing enhancements of their appearance and I think that this practice can be both favorable and unfavorable depending on what influences their decision.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have decided to undergo body enhancement through surgery in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
more appealing. In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why they need it and I believe this trend is favorable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
problematic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
body enhancements with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of cosmetic or plastic surgeons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are deemed
necessary.
For example
, patients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are victims of incidents like acid attacks or
being involved
in car accidents that affect their physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to undertake surgery. They need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of surgeons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
look pleasing.
In this case
, cosmetic surgery or plastic surgery is
extremely
beneficial as it rebuilds the patients’ self-esteem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
normally
as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
surgery to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their looks more attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
simply
want to fit in or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
validated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
set beauty standards.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are pressured
by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on social media or on advertisements about cosmetic surgery. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in order for them to
be recognized
and valued, they need to have surgery.
Also
, they believe that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more confident about themselves and
successfully
fulfill the definition of what beauty is. Although it is their right to enhance their looks, the fact that their decision
is influenced
by societal pressures is
psychologically
damaging.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
differ in their reasons for undergoing enhancements of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this practice can be both favorable and unfavorable depending on what influences their decision.
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IELTS essay People Choosing To Have Cosmetic Surgery. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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