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The children have more unsupervised access of Internet and socialize with others that can lead to dangerous consequences

The children have more unsupervised access of Internet and socialize with others that can lead to dangerous consequences N8lpW
The parents are being criticised for giving children unsupervised access of Internet to interact with others, surf bad websites, use social media and to play games. In this essay, I will shed the light on disadvantages of the unsupervised access of Internet and how we can tackle this issue. Firstly, without the supervision of parents Internet access can lead to dangerous consequences to children because they can socialize with hackers and kidnappers that put them at risk personally and financially. Secondly, children visit paragraph Websites secretly as result of it they become addicted to browse these sites and put bad affect on their body and brain. Thirdly, they love to play games but some game can be threatening. For instance, fire fairy and blue whale took life of two children in Lahore and was reported in media. Fourthly, children may try adventurous sports and risky experiments which are viral on social media such as jumping into rivers has taken life of many. We can do few things to solve this phenomenon such as Internet service providers give parents control options which can be used and there are many softwares are available that block and restrict unwanted materials. Moreover parents should indulge with children online activities, in this way they can keep eye on them. The parents can ensure they use inter for knowledge and entertainments purposes. In nutshell Internet is unsecured place for kids where they encounter plenty of threatening situations. Parents should set time limit of their use and keep eye on their children.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticised' is British English.
criticised
for giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unsupervised access of Internet to interact with others, surf
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
websites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media and to play games. In this essay, I will shed the light on disadvantages of the unsupervised access of Internet and how we can tackle this issue.

Firstly
, without the supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Internet access can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can socialize with hackers and kidnappers that put them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
personally
and
financially
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
visit paragraph Websites
secretly
as result of it they become addicted to browse these sites and put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their body and brain.
Thirdly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game can be threatening.
For instance
, fire fairy and blue whale took life of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Lahore and
was reported
in media.
Fourthly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may try adventurous sports and risky experiments which are viral on social media such as jumping into rivers has taken life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

We can do few things to solve this phenomenon such as Internet service providers give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
control options which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
are available that block and restrict unwanted materials.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should indulge with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
online activities, in this way they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eye on them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can ensure they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
inter for knowledge and entertainments purposes.

In nutshell Internet
is unsecured
place for kids where they encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of threatening situations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should set time limit of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay The children have more unsupervised access of Internet and socialize with others that can lead to dangerous consequences

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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