Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people encourage children to get job after finishing school while others think that it is better to go for higher education. Discuss both the views

Many people encourage children to get job after finishing school while others think that it is better to go for higher education. Discuss both the views XDq9q
In today’s era there has been an increasing tendency among the students to be employed after leaving the school. Many people support this idea of starting work just after completing school studies, while others believe that they should aim higher and attend university & other reputed institutions to earn higher degrees. Both the views are elaborated in forthcoming paragraphs. There are some parents who encourage their offspring to find jobs after finishing school. They think so in order to make their children financially independent from earlier ages which would be beneficial for them in later life. Moreover, in developing countries such as India there are numerous families living with severe economic crises & young members of those families are the only hope to become the breadwinner and owing to this fact those youth have no other option but to find a job urgently to lift their families’ financial condition. Also, in many countries, the job opportunities have been shrinking for many years & competitions among the applicants are soaring and in this circumstance, lots of pupils decide to get employed so that they can work for much longer years. Thus we see that many students choose vocational courses in school in order to get a job quickly. However, most of the pupils don’t follow this trend. They pursue higher studies to earn more qualifications required for a better career. For instance, in India maximum engineering graduates obtain a degree in business administration to secure a lucrative job in order to enjoy a luxurious life ahead. Apart from it, there are certain professions which need many years of study & experiences. For example, medical students have to spend at least 6 years to get the license for treating patients. Also occupations like lawyer, researcher, Chartered Accountant etc require extensive studies beyond school. To recapitulate, it is always advisable to the pupils to dream big & enroll in higher studies to secure a well-paid, prosperous job that would bring a sense of accomplishment in life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era there has been an increasing tendency among the students to
be employed
after leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of starting work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, while others believe that they should aim higher and attend university & other reputed institutions to earn higher degrees. Both the views
are elaborated
in forthcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents who encourage their offspring to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children
financially
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
earlier ages which would be beneficial for them in later life.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
such as India there are numerous families living with severe economic crises & young members of those families are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hope to become the breadwinner and owing to this fact
Did you mean "this youth" or "those youths"?
those youth
have no other option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
urgently
to lift their families’ financial condition.
Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities have been shrinking for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years & competitions among the applicants are soaring and in this circumstance, lots of pupils decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can work for much longer years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students choose vocational courses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
quickly
.

However
, most of the pupils don’t follow this trend. They pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to earn more qualifications required for a better career.
For instance
, in India maximum engineering graduates obtain a degree in business administration to secure a lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to enjoy a luxurious life ahead. Apart from it, there are certain professions which need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
& experiences.
For example
, medical students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend at least 6 years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the license for treating patients.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
occupations like lawyer, researcher, Chartered Accountant etc require extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
beyond school.

To recapitulate, it is always advisable to the pupils to dream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
& enroll in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to secure a well-paid, prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that would bring a sense of accomplishment in life.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many people encourage children to get job after finishing school while others think that it is better to go for higher education. Discuss both the views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts