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PEOPLE ATTEND COOLEGE OR UNIVERSITY FOR MANY REASONS (FOR EXAMPLE, NEW EXPERIENCE, CAREER PREPARATION, INCREASE KNOWLEDGE). WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ATTEND COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY?

PEOPLE ATTEND COOLEGE OR UNIVERSITY FOR MANY REASONS (FOR EXAMPLE, NEW EXPERIENCE, CAREER PREPARATION, INCREASE KNOWLEDGE). WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ATTEND COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY? KwNXN
The university or college frequently used as a place in variety of reason such as, to gain new experience, to whip up the job and enhance science. In my view, there are another reasons people adhere college and university such as, make a friend, fill a leisure time after graduate and demands of job. The first cause why people attend the university is to make a friend. Nowadays many people expand their network to learn and earn money. The one of the way to enlarge network community is through the university. For instance, student from Asia prefer to study abroad because they want learn globally and have many friends to build community. The second thing is spend their leisure time. Many people think take a class in the college merely to study, however other people think they obtain many advantages and glad experience in the university. For example, a student go to the university because he avoid to spent time in the wrong way. Finally, people going to the college because needs of a job. For example, a public civil servant like to got a promotion as a head of field, but required a high degree, hence she need to take a class in the university. However, there is possibility student go to the university because the bad reasons. Firstly, because the coercion of they parents. For example, a person who after graduate want to get a job, but her parent prohibit. Secondly, because the prestige in society. In my country many young people compete to go to the university, not because they want, but they ashamed if don't take a class and be a bachelor. In conclusion, I believe there is many kind reason why people go to the university.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a place in variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
such as, to gain new experience, to whip up the job and enhance science. In my view, there are another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhere college and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friend, fill a leisure time after graduate and demands of job.

The
first
cause why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friend. Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expand their network to learn and earn money. The one of the way to enlarge network community is through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
For instance
, student from Asia prefer to study abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want learn
globally and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends to build community. The second thing is
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
their leisure time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the college
merely
to study,
however
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and glad experience in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
For example
, a student go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "avoids", "avoided".
avoid
to spent time in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to the college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
needs of a job.
For example
, a public civil servant like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a promotion as a head of field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
required a high degree,
hence
she need to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the university.

However
, there is possibility student go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the coercion of they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "parent"
parents
.
For example
, a person who after graduate want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her parent prohibit.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the prestige in society. In my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compete to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they ashamed if don't take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and be a bachelor.

In conclusion
, I believe there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
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IELTS essay PEOPLE ATTEND COOLEGE OR UNIVERSITY FOR MANY REASONS (FOR EXAMPLE, NEW EXPERIENCE, CAREER PREPARATION, INCREASE KNOWLEDGE). WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ATTEND COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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