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People argue that providing more university education for the majority of youngsters is impossible and useless

People argue that providing more university education for the majority of youngsters is impossible and useless 26P5X
People argue that providing more university education for the majority of youngsters is impossible and useless. Personally, I agree with the former but disagree with the latter. There are some reasons why tertiary education is necessary for younger people in this knowledge-based society. For one thing, Education is the key to enhance the economy of our country. Take the case of an oil factory constructed in Quang Ninh. This factory is equipped with state–of–the–art machinery – some things that require the workforce with skilled enough to make effective use of technology. As the result, the revenue of this factory gained significantly, outweighed the cost of the initial investment. In addition, the more students attend university, the more under-graduates achieve university, master and Ph. D. degrees – things that symbol the development of intellectual people as well as put the country in the same position as the developed countries. However, I think it is impossible to provide almost all young people with high education because of two main reasons. Firstly, expanding this kind of institution can be considered as one of the culprits behind the environmental devastation. Because the wide range of trees is chopped down to make way for university constructions which has scale containing the numerous of youngsters. Simultaneously, the daily routine activities inside the college campus also affected on quality of the atmosphere and water source if their students do not have responsibility for protecting them. Secondly, the prohibitive cost for a person to entering university. When learning in high education people need to pay the tuition fees, material to experience, and charge for field trips, not to mention that in fact the students from rural areas unable to pay those amounts In conclusion, My conviction that it is necessary for people pursuing tertiary education although providing university places for the high proportion of young people is impossible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
argue that providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the majority of youngsters is impossible and useless.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
disagree with the latter.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this knowledge-based society. For one thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the key to enhance the economy of our country. Take the case of an oil factory constructed in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quang
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ninh
. This factory
is equipped
with state–of–the–art machinery
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that require the workforce with skilled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. As the result, the revenue of this factory gained
significantly
, outweighed the cost of the initial investment.
In addition
, the more students attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the more under-graduates achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, master and
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D.
degrees
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
things that symbol the development of intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as put the country in the same position as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is impossible to provide almost all young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons.
Firstly
, expanding this kind of institution can
be considered
as one of the culprits behind the environmental devastation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the wide range of trees
is chopped
down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
constructions which has scale containing
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
youngsters.
Simultaneously
, the daily routine activities inside the college campus
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on quality of the atmosphere and water source if their students do not have responsibility for protecting them.
Secondly
, the prohibitive cost for a person to entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. When learning in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to pay the tuition fees, material to experience, and charge for field trips, not to mention that in fact the students from rural areas unable to pay those amounts

In conclusion
, My conviction that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursuing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
although providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
places for the high proportion of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
impossible
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IELTS essay People argue that providing more university education for the majority of youngsters is impossible and useless

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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