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People are never satisfied and always want more. In what ways is this a good thing and in what ways is this a bad thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

People are never satisfied and always want more. In what ways is this a good thing and in what ways is this a bad thing? v. 1
Ex-prisoners can indeed become a normal, productive citizen. I completely agree that the authorities should let people talk about their experiences is the best way to encourage them not to commit a crime. First of all, it is more effective to educate students by using the ex-convicts’ experiences. It is often said that ex-prisoners’ personal experiences have benefits effect on the adolescents to protect potential crimes. Having the advantages of real and thrilling story backlines, teenagers are forced to believe the good words. Throughout their stories, they will think again about the dangers of crimes. This also means a good treatment for teens who have intentions to commit crime to overcome their own weakness, which is greed, fraud with boost their moral. Secondly, students who were disregarded to live in criminal life can come back up with the lessons of ex-offenders. After the ex-criminal’s release from the sentence, they will suffer from insurmountable adversities like prejudice or prejudice of the home community. Besides, if students have an opportunity to meet them and hear about impressive story, they will have a chance to introspect their lives as well as students may understand wrongdoer's resilience. For instance, hearing from a man who is committed to murder talking about his life in prison is enough for young adults to be heart-touched about the tragic story. As a result, it could help to form the social inclusion through understanding them. In conclusion, using ex-criminals who had turned their life to society can help teenagers not to commit crimes.
Ex-prisoners can
indeed
become a normal, productive citizen. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talk about their experiences is the best way to encourage them not to commit a crime.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is more effective to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by using the ex-convicts’ experiences. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that ex-prisoners’ personal experiences have benefits effect on the adolescents to protect potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Having the advantages of real and thrilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
Possible spelling mistake found.
backlines
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are forced
to believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
words. Throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
again about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This
also
means a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment for teens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have intentions to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to overcome their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
weakness, which
is greed
, fraud with boost their moral.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were disregarded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in criminal life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back up with the lessons of ex-offenders. After the ex-criminal’s release from the sentence, they will suffer from insurmountable adversities like prejudice or prejudice of the home community.
Besides
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them and hear about impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, they will have a chance to introspect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may understand wrongdoer's resilience.
For instance
, hearing from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is committed
to murder talking about his life in prison is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for young adults to be heart-touched about the tragic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
.
As a result
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to form the social inclusion through understanding them.

In conclusion
, using ex-criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had turned their life to society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
not to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay People are never satisfied and always want more. In what ways is this a good thing and in what ways is this a bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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