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people are losing their sense of community

people are losing their sense of community gWPrO
In the modern urban lifestyle, an increasing of people are losing their sense of community. We need to return to a simpler way of life. This essay, I will discuss those problems. Nowadays, many people tend to move together to big cities mainly to work. The benefits of living and working in the city cannot be denied. In the age of technology dependence, most people are busy with their own affairs. They worked very hard from early morning and came home late at night even at leisure and on bus or train. People are so focused on working long hours that they can't spend much time at home. Therefore, any free time after work, they usually go back to their families to rest instead of meeting and interacting with people in the surrounding neighborhood. Second, most people use too many social networks. Technology, which should connect the members of the community, seems to be isolating us from each other. Social media is making us more interested in virtual reality platforms, rather than connecting directly with those around us. We have focused most on ourselves and our immediate needs. Moreover, the general trend now is that they prefer to spend time alone, interacting with others on social media sites like Facebook and Instagram. This is probably more interesting and enjoyable for them than meeting people in the neighborhood. Another reason for reduced social interaction could be that they live in newly established housing estates, they have migrated from several areas of the country and have different backgrounds. These people find it difficult to step out of their comfort zone to meet other people. In addition, the reason people live separately from their neighbors is due to the increasing rate of crime and social evils. Because it's so hard to know who to trust, they become cautious, especially with people they meet for the first time. Most people in cities often fall into a sense of isolation. They need to recognize the negative impact of their daily lifestyle, make an effort to join activist groups and meet new friends in the community. Host a few small events at home to build trust and connection in your space. Plan to meet at events, experience building memories and create stronger friendships, so we can live more simply. In summary, despite being busy with daily work, people should be encouraged to integrate into society and the community, arrange a reasonable time to create harmony with neighbors. Therefore, everyone will live a cheerful and peaceful way of life.
In the modern urban lifestyle, an increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing their sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. We need to return to a simpler way of life. This essay, I will discuss those problems.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
together to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities
mainly
to work. The benefits of living and working in the city cannot
be denied
. In the age of technology dependence, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
affairs. They worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
from early morning and came home late at night even at leisure and on bus or train.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
focused on working long hours that they can't spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
Therefore
, any free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after work, they
usually
go back to their families to rest
instead
of meeting and interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the surrounding neighborhood.

Second, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks. Technology, which should connect the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, seems to be isolating us from each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media is making us more interested in virtual reality platforms,
rather
than connecting
directly
with those around us. We have focused most on ourselves and our immediate needs.

Moreover
, the general trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is that they prefer to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone, interacting with others on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites like Facebook and Instagram. This is
probably
more interesting and enjoyable for them than meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the neighborhood.

Another reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction could be that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
newly
established housing estates, they have migrated from several areas of the country and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to step out of their comfort zone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In addition
, the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
from their neighbors is due to the increasing rate of crime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
evils.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to know who to trust, they become cautious,
especially
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
for the
first
time.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fall into a sense of isolation. They need to recognize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of their daily lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
activist groups and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Host a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
at home to build trust and connection in your space. Plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, experience building memories and create stronger friendships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more
simply
.

In summary, despite being busy with daily work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to integrate into society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, arrange a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to create harmony with neighbors.
Therefore
, everyone will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a cheerful and peaceful way of life.
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IELTS essay people are losing their sense of community

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
422 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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