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kids spend too much time in front of monitors playing video games

kids spend too much time in front of monitors playing video games 73X9A
I must agree that nowadays, kids spend too much time in front of monitors playing video games. When overdone, such activity could result in a series of harmful consequences. Spending too much time in front of a closely placed monitor in one position degrades both body and vision. The most major drawback is probably that people miss lots of chances for a real social interaction by just speaking with others via voice chat. Nevertheless, I regard any activity as harmful when it is overdone. For example, intensive exercising routine could actually provide more harm than good, since body does not have enough time to recover after each session. Also, recent studies have shown that videogames involve brain’s resources into taking swift and right decisions. For example, people who are into strategic games solve problems more quickly than others. Finally, taking into consideration today’s world status, I regard gaming as a worthy substitute to a real-life interaction, since people can both chat and share a laugh with each other without putting anyone into danger of getting a disease. Overall, videogames have pros and cons. However, just like any activity, it could provide an individual with lots of benefits if done moderately.
I
must
agree
that nowadays, kids spend too much time in front of monitors playing video games. When overdone, such activity could result in a series of harmful consequences. Spending too much time in front of a
closely
placed monitor in one position degrades both body and vision. The most major drawback is
probably
that
people
miss lots of chances for a real social interaction by
just
speaking with others via voice chat.

Nevertheless
, I regard any activity as harmful when it
is overdone
.
For example
, intensive exercising routine could actually provide more harm than
good
, since body does not have
enough
time to recover after each session.
Also
, recent studies have shown that
videogames
involve brain’s resources into taking swift and right decisions.
For example
,
people
who are into strategic games solve problems more
quickly
than others.
Finally
, taking into consideration
today
’s world status, I regard gaming as a worthy substitute to a real-life interaction, since
people
can both chat and share a laugh with each other without putting anyone into
danger
of getting a disease.

Overall
,
videogames
have pros and cons.
However
,
just
like any activity, it could provide an individual with lots of benefits if done
moderately
.
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IELTS essay kids spend too much time in front of monitors playing video games

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
200 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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