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People are living longer nowadays. This is leading to a greater number of old people than young people in many countries. Will this development bring more benefits or drawbacks?

People are living longer nowadays. This is leading to a greater number of old people than young people in many countries. Will this development bring more benefits or drawbacks? GN1km
In today’s millennium, people tend to live longer, as a result population of elder people has outnumbered the population of young people. This essay will discuss that although this development has advantages in some ways, it will bring more drawbacks than benefits. The primary benefit of having longer age is that elders get more time to spend with their grandchildren, and this is possible due to the fact of improvement in medical equipment and improved medical services. As a result older people get recover from diseases and live longer than expected. For instance, many countries such as the USA or UK, have developed machines that can cure form various diseases like blood cancer. The major drawback of this situation is that it will hinder the growth of country in light of the fact that the majority of working population belongs to elder group and youth don’t get enough opportunities to put their ideas in action. For instance, in Japan 60 percent of individuals belong to age of 50 and above and as a result of this there is decline in its growth, even though Japan is a developed country. In my opinion, increase in the life expectancy rate will lead to various problems. Firstly, it can lead to increase in population. Secondly, it can lead to another World war because we have limited resource. In conclusion, despite the increase in the life expectancy rate has benefits, the drawbacks, such as increasing population or scarcity of resources, outcast all the advantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s millennium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer,
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has outnumbered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss that although this development has advantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, it will bring more drawbacks than benefits.

The primary benefit of having longer age is that elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time to spend with their grandchildren, and this is possible due to the fact of improvement in medical equipment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
medical services.
As a result
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recover from diseases and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries such as the USA or UK, have developed machines that can cure form various diseases like blood cancer.

The major drawback of this situation is that it will hinder the growth of country in light of the fact that the majority of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
belongs to elder group and youth don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunities to put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in action.
For instance
, in Japan 60 percent of individuals belong to age of 50 and above and
as a result
of this there is decline in its growth,
even though
Japan is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.

In my opinion, increase in the life expectancy rate will lead to various problems.
Firstly
, it can lead to increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Secondly
, it can lead to another World war
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have limited resource.

In conclusion
, despite the increase in the life expectancy rate has benefits, the drawbacks, such as increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
or scarcity of resources, outcast all the advantages.
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IELTS essay People are living longer nowadays. This is leading to a greater number of old people than young people in many countries. Will this development bring more benefits or drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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