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Children are experiencing the increasing educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes? What measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

Children are experiencing the increasing educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes? What measures do you think can be taken to reduce them? GNGMQ
With the increasing stress in society, the pressure children have to withhold escalate as well. Youngsters in this era bear pressure from every aspect of their life, ranging from educational institutions, society as well to commercial. Reasons for this are varied, and there should be solutions adopted to combat the issue. First and foremost, the expectations from the family, school, and even from the child exert tremendous pressure on these youngsters. Most children are highly expected to have a good performance at school, engage in prestigious schools, and earn a hefty load of money. These ideas have place children under intense pressure so as not to fall down to these expectations. However, they do not have the chance to do what they truly desired. Besides, the work market has been growing to be fiercer with the increasing rate of unemployment. The prerequisite of having a job these days is a diploma from a profound university. Consequently, to survive in a harsh society, people have to compete with a large number of people. There is a term called peer pressure, which describes the idea that people have to strive to be as good as their friends thus they do not be left behind. To tackle these, people have to draw a line between expectation and reality. Rather than imposing ideas on the children, parents and, schools had better discover the true potential of each child and nurture them. Every people are unique and good in their own way. Thus, youngsters should be taught not only common knowledge but also how to know their identity. Only in that way would the youth enjoy what they are doing and put effort into it. Plus, the job market has to be more open with more types of jobs. Ranging the conventional occupation such as being lawyers, doctors but also the new creative job, for instance, instant content creating, marketing to make more positions available for the increasing workforce. In conclusion, parents’ expectations, peers’ negative effects, and advertising campaigns are among the primary reasons for the rise in heavy pressures on children these days, and the problems could be solved by a variety of measures from parents, schools, and the authorities.
With the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
withhold escalate
as well
. Youngsters in this era bear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from every aspect of their life, ranging from educational institutions, society
as well
to commercial. Reasons for this
are varied
, and there should be solutions adopted to combat the issue.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
from the family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and even from the child exert tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on these youngsters. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, engage in prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and earn a hefty load of money. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under intense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to fall down to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
.
However
, they do not have the chance to do what they
truly
desired.
Besides
, the work market has been growing to be fiercer with the increasing rate of unemployment. The prerequisite of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
these days is a diploma from a profound university.
Consequently
, to survive in a harsh society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is a term called peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
strive to be as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as their friends
thus
they do not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind.

To tackle these,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
draw a line between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectation
and reality.
Rather
than imposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, parents and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had better discover the true potential of each child and nurture them.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unique and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
Thus
, youngsters should
be taught
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
common knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how to know their identity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in that way would the youth enjoy what they are doing and put effort into it. Plus, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be more open with more types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Ranging the conventional occupation such as being lawyers, doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the new creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
for instance
, instant content creating, marketing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more positions available for the increasing workforce.

In conclusion
, parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expectations
, peers’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, and advertising campaigns are among the primary reasons for the rise in heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days, and the problems could
be solved
by a variety of measures from parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and the authorities.

IELTS essay Children are experiencing the increasing educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes? What measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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