Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? QrOb
Nowadays, majority of individuals are drinking heavy amounts of sugary drinks such as coke, soda and so on. Firstly, this essay discusses why people drink sugar items and in the latter half, will explore possible solutions to reduce consumption of drinks. This problem could be attributed to a plethora of causes. The most conspicuous one is these sugary drinks are tasty and people can find every corner of their street for a cost-effective price. So, individuals try to spend less money to drink. Another pivotal point is it provides instant energy for people after consuming sugar-containing drinks. For instance, sports personalities often drink these sugar-based products on the playground to get energy quickly to play. As a result, most of the people watch these things and they try these in their life without knowing of consequences in later life. However, despite the severity of these above reasons, there are many ways to battle it more efficiently. First of all, the Government spread awareness about possible side-effects that can come out after consuming for several days. Due to the excessive drinking of sugary drinks, people get health problems such as diabetes, gastric problems, and so on. If higher authorities had not given license to sugary drink producers, people would not have known about it and they try to drink vegetable and fruit-based drinks. As a result, it improves their health as well as immunity. Secondly, watching the mineral content on a particular drink often tells about its side-effects before consuming. For example, the Japanese nation restricts the product which contains high sugar drinks. To conclude, Although there are several reasons to drink the products, with the help of government officers, individuals can stop drinking the sugar-based drinks.
Nowadays,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
individuals are drinking heavy amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
such as coke, soda and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Firstly
, this essay discusses why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
sugar items and in the latter half, will explore possible solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
consumption of drinks.

This problem could
be attributed
to a plethora of causes. The most conspicuous one is these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are tasty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find every corner of their street for a cost-effective price.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, individuals try to spend less money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
. Another pivotal point is it provides instant energy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after consuming sugar-containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
For instance
, sports personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
these sugar-based products on the playground to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
energy
quickly
to play.
As a result
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they try these in their life without knowing of consequences in later life.

However
, despite the severity of these above reasons, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to battle it more
efficiently
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
spread awareness about possible
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out after consuming for several days. Due to the excessive drinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
health problems such as diabetes, gastric problems, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. If higher authorities had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
license to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
producers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not have known about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
vegetable and fruit-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their health
as well
as immunity.
Secondly
, watching the mineral content on a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
about its
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
consuming.
For example
, the Japanese nation restricts the product which contains high sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
To conclude
, Although there are several reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
the products, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officers, individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
drinking the sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts