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some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion 6EXW
Some people argue that expanding the number of sport activity is the most appropriate way of boosting people`s health, while others feel that this is not a viable solution and believe other steps should be needed. Today public health has been one of the sophisticated issue in each society and lots of people discuss how to keep healthy. Nowadays public health has been one of the sophisticated issue in each society and lots of people discuss how to keep healthy. First, persons who believe that participating in sports is a good idea and who go in for sports feel energetic. Moreover, they are more successful in life, at work, and business. I suppose It is related to the release of happy hormones during sports. For example, Kazakh academician T. Sharmanov, at the age of 90, feels awake and healthy through sports and proper eating. On the contrast, those who harbor the views that sport facilities have little effects on public health argue that we should take other steps to keep fit. They say that people`s health depends on many factors including balanced diet, healthy lifestyle and healthcare facilities, to name just a few and spending only on sports facilities would not be a prudent idea. After all, most healthy problems do not stem from a lack of facilities, but from a lack of healthy lifestyle. In conclusion for improve population health necessary every daily do sporting and proper eating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that expanding the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activity is the most appropriate way of boosting
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, while others feel that this is not a viable solution and believe other steps should
be needed
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has been one of the sophisticated issue in each society and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discuss how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy.

Nowadays public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has been one of the sophisticated issue in each society and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discuss how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy.

First
, persons who believe that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and who go in for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
feel energetic.
Moreover
, they are more successful in life, at work, and business. I suppose It
is related
to the release of happy hormones during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, Kazakh academician T.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sharmanov
, at the age of 90, feels awake and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and proper eating.

On the contrast, those who harbor the views that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effects on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
argue that we should take other steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. They say that
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors including balanced diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and healthcare facilities, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few and spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would not be a prudent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
After all
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
problems do not stem from a lack of facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

In conclusion
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
necessary every daily
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go sporting".
do sporting
and proper eating.
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IELTS essay some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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