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some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion daG2
Some people believe that to have a healthy society, the government should surge the number of sports facility, while others think it is not a competent approach. Introducing different kinds of sports facilities like gym, playground, sports club and swimming pools may attract many people to take health benefits at a low tariff. Many people because of financial problems cannot afford to go to a gym or a sports club. It will be helpful for the society as it will improve common health problems like diabetes, obesity and also they will become interested through socializing with others and they will not feel bored exercising alone. Initially, because of curiosity and eagerness, people might go, but many might not continue after a month, in that case, it will be a huge loss for the government and might affect the economy too. For example, a private employee who goes to a gym may not do that regularly because he doesn’t have enough time for such amenities. Going to the second opinion, there are different ways to improve public health like hygienic - clean and pollution free environment, healthy diet, regular walking, proper food intake and weight management. It is not only the responsibility of government but also an individual to maintain a clean and green environment. By proper education on lifestyle we can have healthy society, as it is always said that “The greatest wealth is health”. I conclude by saying that by increasing sports amenities many be helpful for healthy to some extent, although, measures focused on healthy diet, proper food intake, regular exercise and proper education will be more beneficial. However, many believe that the mentioned measures would have little effect on public health and additional attempts and activity are necessary. For example, healthy food is healthy nation. There should be more strict state regulations for GMO products and unhealthy fast food. Moreover, the Government has to launch educational programs on healthy nutrition for their citizens. In conclusion, while some people believe that sports activities play a major role in the healthy life of population, others argue that that wouldn’t enough to keep ourselves healthy. There should be additional measures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should surge the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not a competent approach.

Introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities like gym, playground,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club and swimming pools may attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits at a low tariff.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial problems cannot afford to go to a gym or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club. It will be helpful for the society as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like diabetes, obesity and
also
they will become interested through socializing with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they will not feel bored exercising alone.

Initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of curiosity and eagerness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might go,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible agreement error. The noun might seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much might", "a good deal of might".
many might
not continue after a month,
in that case
, it will be a huge loss for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and might affect the economy too.
For example
, a private employee who goes to a gym may not do that
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he doesn’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for such amenities. Going to the second opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
like hygienic
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
clean and pollution free environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, regular walking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake and weight management. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an individual to maintain a clean and green environment. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
education on lifestyle we can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society, as it is always said that “The greatest wealth is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health”. I
conclude by saying that by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, although, measures focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake, regular exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
education will be more beneficial.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that the mentioned measures would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and additional attempts and activity are necessary.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nation. There should be more strict state regulations for GMO products and unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
launch educational programs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nutrition for their citizens.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities play a major role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life of population, others argue
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
wouldn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. There should be additional measures.
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IELTS essay some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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