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some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion RMOG
Some individuals think and suggest that the best way of improving people’s health is doing sport, however, others believe that sport not the main factor of healthy life and there have other factors of being healthy. Public health always was the biggest problem of all society and government is trying do well to improve public health since every person needs healthy life. And this essay will look at both sides and present own point of views on the health care system. First of all, it is known for all people in the world that doing exercises the most important part of our life and it helps us take care of our well-being. And everyone knows that if all people in the world regularly play sports, their lives will become much easier. Sport has a positive effect on our respiratory system, as our breathing expands and we can learn to breathe correctly by doing it. On the other hand, sport is not the only way to be well-doing. As some people say there other measures are required. Proper nutrition is very important. Today, the biggest health problem for many people is obesity or malnutrition. And all this is due to the fact that people in our time do not eat properly, because there were no such serious diseases associated with food in ancient centuries. Almost everyone loves fast food, knowing that frequent consumption can lead to illness. Once or twice a month we need to allow ourselves to eat whatever we want to suppress our desires, and the rest of the time to follow diets. In concluding my essay, I will say that for a healthy lifestyle, we must lead a healthy lifestyle, and there are many ways. But the most important thing for us is proper nutrition and sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and suggest that the best way of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
however
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
not the main factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life and there have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'was'.
always was
the biggest problem of all society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
Probably a preposition is missing after 'trying'.
trying do
well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
since every person needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life. And this essay will look at both sides and present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of views on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
is known
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world that doing exercises the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us take care of our well-being. And everyone knows that if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
regularly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will become much easier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on our respiratory system, as our breathing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expands and
we can learn to breathe
correctly
by doing it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to be well-doing.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are required
. Proper nutrition is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
obesity or malnutrition. And all
this is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our time do not eat
properly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there were no such serious diseases associated with food in ancient centuries. Almost everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, knowing that frequent consumption can lead to illness. Once or twice a month we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
ourselves to eat whatever we want to suppress our desires, and the rest of the time to follow diets.

In concluding my essay, I will say that for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for us is proper nutrition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS essay some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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