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people are choosing to visit on holiday in their own country, and not travelling to abroad countries

people are choosing to visit on holiday in their own country, and not travelling to abroad countries Ym9pm
Nowadays, people are choosing to visit on holiday in their own country, and not travelling to abroad countries. Because every country has their own culture. In my point of view, people should explore places and cultures in their own nation and contribute to increases their tourist count for their nation progress. Firstly, individual planning a holiday need to pay attention to the budget for the trip. First, travelling to other states within the nation will save the money in the comparison to foreign trips. However, their are many places to go on holiday in India. For example, Hyderabad is the richest tradition of literature and fine art, with many museums, art galleries and exhibitions dedicated to the display of Hyderabad heritage. Beside that in this place they will respect all multi-cultural festivals all ethnicities, be in Diwali, Eid and Christmas are given equal importance and celebrate with a lot of pomp. Moreover, for sightseeing there are various places in Andhra Pradesh. By travelling long journey people will approach different people and can learn a number of thing from them. Secondly, going to abroad on holiday needs priors booking to be made and it can never be a short trip. Further, planning a vacation can keep our mind more energetic and enthusiastic. Therefore, many countries in our world are selecting our own nation to learn numerous traditions and spots the climate and topography different to their own nation. For instance, Dras is the coolest place in India, it is also called gateway of Ladakh. During the winter the temperature fallen down to -45 degrees. It has been developed as a tourist destination. To conclude, people will prefer going on vacation in their own country and avoid travelling aboard on a holiday. I completely agree with this statement as we need to explore our country to appreciate its beauty while also keeping revenue in our own country.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing to visit on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and cultures in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and contribute to increases their tourist count for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
progress.

Firstly
, individual planning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
need to pay attention to the budget for the trip.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to other states within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will save the money in the comparison to foreign trips.
However
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to go on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
in India.
For example
, Hyderabad is the richest tradition of literature and fine art, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
museums, art galleries and exhibitions dedicated to the display of Hyderabad heritage. Beside that in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they will respect all multi-cultural festivals all ethnicities, be in Diwali,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eid
and Christmas are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance and celebrate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pomp.
Moreover
, for sightseeing there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in Andhra Pradesh. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
long journey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can learn a number of thing from them.

Secondly
,
There isn't usually a preposition before "abroad". Did you mean "going abroad"?
going to abroad
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
needs priors booking to
be made
and it can never be a short trip.
Further
, planning a vacation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our mind more energetic and enthusiastic.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in our world are selecting our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to learn numerous traditions and spots the climate and topography
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dras
is the coolest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in India, it is
also
called gateway of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ladakh
. During the winter the temperature fallen down to -45 degrees. It has
been developed
as a tourist destination.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will prefer going on vacation in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
aboard on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as we need to explore our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to appreciate its beauty while
also
keeping revenue in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay people are choosing to visit on holiday in their own country, and not travelling to abroad countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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