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in order to have a successful carrer, it's important to do well at school. do you agree?

in order to have a successful carrer, it's important to do well at school. do you agree? ygKjM
It is commonly recognized that receiving a strong education at school is essential for having a successful occupation. I partially agree, however, I believe that choosing a wonderful career is depends on factors other than education, such as a positive attitude. Working straight after graduation is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, young people are able to earn money as soon as possible. If they finish high school, they will be mature enough to live independently on their own income. It is common sense that having a job can prove one’s maturity. Secondly, a person who chooses to get a job instead of studying higher is likely to progress rapidly in their career. This may bring about a good chance to obtain a lot of real experience and skills for their chosen profession. On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why people have a tendency of choosing to continue education after high school. First, a college education will provide young people with more qualifications, which is what most employers expect these days. University graduates will probably get a much higher salary than those without university education. Furthermore, the job market is becoming more and more competitive. In fact, people would be well-advised to get a degree, as hundreds of applicants often chase the top jobs. It is an obvious advantage for university graduates. For example, graduate engineers in Vietnam are highly paid and find it easy to get a top job In conclusion, it seems evident that both working right after school and choosing to continue higher study are advantageous in their own ways. ” 274 words (Band 8. 0~8.
It is
commonly
recognized that receiving a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is essential for having a successful occupation. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
,
however
, I believe that choosing a wonderful career is depends on factors other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, such as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude. Working straight after graduation is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to earn money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. If they finish high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. It is common sense that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can prove one’s maturity.
Secondly
, a person who chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
of studying higher is likely to progress
rapidly
in their career. This may bring about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
real experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their chosen profession.

On the other hand
, there are a variety of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency of choosing to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
First
, a college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will provide young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more qualifications, which is what most employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
these days. University graduates will
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a much higher salary than those without university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is becoming more and more competitive. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be well-advised to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree, as hundreds of applicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
chase the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. It is an obvious advantage for university graduates.
For example
, graduate engineers in Vietnam are
highly
paid and find it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a top
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
job


In conclusion
, it seems evident that both working right after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and choosing to continue higher study are advantageous in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways. ”

274 words
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
Band 8. 0~8.
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IELTS essay in order to have a successful carrer, it's important to do well at school. do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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