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People always wants than what they have already or something even different or they are never satisfy what they have already do you agree with fhis statement v.1

People always wants than what they have already or something even different or they are never satisfy what they have already v. 1
In some decades, museums have been receiving a great deal of public attention due to its importance. Therefore, there are several purposes for museums and galleries and a series of steps being taken are expected to preserve and strengthen the importance of these traditional buildings. Museums serves proposes in terms of education and entertainment as well as cultural and historical heritage preservation. First, museums can provide visitors with first-hand experience of antiques or artworks. This means that travellers can connect what they have learnt via books, the Internet or schooling to what they see in museums. Second, since it is also one of the best means to educate children in the way, it can create a favourable condition for teenagers to gain deeper insight into the sacrifice of our predecessors and cultivate patriotism. Plenty of evidence suggests that students will be more interested in history in school than normally by visiting museums like an extra class. Encountering these potential targets, the governments have to take steps to preserve and upgrade these traditional values. First, by investing a large amount of money on social media such as TV or newspaper to promote museums and galleries image, the government could emphasize the merits the traditional buildings bring and restore the appearance of it. In fact, it could also raise a citizen’s awareness of traditional identities. Second, museums are supposed to depend on their own strengths, exploiting potential market by selling souvenirs. For instance, they could sell booklets of exhibits or specific handicrafts which end results museums funding for themselves and, at the same time, meeting their visitors' demand.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have been receiving a great deal of public attention due to its importance.
Therefore
, there are several purposes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries and a series of steps
being taken
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to preserve and strengthen the importance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buildings.

Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "museum serves".
Museums serves
proposes in terms of education and entertainment
as well
as cultural and historical heritage preservation.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can provide visitors with
first
-hand experience of antiques or artworks. This means that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can connect what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
via books, the Internet or schooling to what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Second, since it is
also
one of the best means to educate children in the way, it can create a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
condition for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to gain deeper insight into the sacrifice of our predecessors and cultivate patriotism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of evidence suggests that students will be more interested in history in school than
normally
by visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
like an extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Encountering these potential targets, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take steps to preserve and upgrade these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values.
First
, by investing a large amount of money on social media such as TV or newspaper to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries image, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could emphasize the merits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
buildings bring and restore the appearance of it. In fact, it could
also
raise a citizen’s awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
identities. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are supposed
to depend on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strengths, exploiting potential market by selling souvenirs.
For instance
, they could sell booklets of exhibits or specific handicrafts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
results
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
funding for themselves and, at the same time, meeting their visitors' demand.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay People always wants than what they have already or something even different or they are never satisfy what they have already v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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