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Peaceful country verses Violent country

Peaceful country verses Violent country 7Xg3
Peaceful country verses Violent country Years ago, human beings used to live in the days of constant warfare, famine, epidemic plague, . . . Those were the series of trauma days. In recent decades, all worlds began to build a more peaceful world, no violence, no weapons, no death, . . . These show up that peace and war are two different conditions. The most obvious fact is that when we have war, violence is everywhere. On the street, indoors, at night or right in front of you, . . . . Anyone on the street must be vigilant because they can be attacked at any time. But otherwise, when the country is at peace, almost no one has to do it. They can walk the street anytime they want. The police are everywhere, they are ready to protect you anytime you need it. You are safe with the protection of the country and the police. If you go back to the world 50 - 100 years ago, you had to protect yourself. It was insecure, dangerous, unpredictable, you couldn't know what will happen tomorrow. The country in peace and the country in war are very different from the others in lifestyle, nation, and especially emotion. Everyone always feels happy, mingled and excited when they are living in peace. They can develop their country better with a better mood that can make their country be flourish. The peaceful country is also not affected by the environment and the number of deaths. In war, the country bear a lot of consequences, it seriously affected to the ecological environment and human health. A country in a time of peace has a completely opposite state compared to a country in a period of war. Since they are different they will have different features. It’s easy to see that population is the most easily to point out first. Since there are no war in the peaceful country so it usually has higher population ratio than the other one which is decreasing rapidly due to many consequences of wars such as trauma, mourning, and disease. The peaceful country has maintained a good relationship of understanding, equality, and cooperation between nations or people. While that the country in war is having countless conflicts about different problems, especially land and property. Peace brings happiness, war brings sadness. And because of that reason many countries have chosen peace to save their country from dangerous. However war will never end, it just moves from one form to another. But I think that we should stop it to keep a positive relationship between counties. As we have seen peace and war is completely different from each other. War causes us to lose many possessions, many sacrifices, so for our peaceful future of the world we should try not to cause wars or disputes to make it even worse.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
verses Violent country

Years ago, human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the days of constant warfare, famine, epidemic plague
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Those were the series of trauma days. In recent decades, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
began to build a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, no violence, no weapons, no death
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
conditions.

The most obvious fact is that when we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
, violence is everywhere. On the street, indoors, at night or right in front of you
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Anyone on the street
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be vigilant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
be attacked
at any time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
otherwise
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
, almost no one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do it. They can walk the street anytime they want. The police are everywhere, they are ready to protect you anytime you need it. You are safe with the protection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the police. If you go back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
50 - 100
years ago, you had to protect yourself. It was insecure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, unpredictable, you couldn't know what will happen tomorrow.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from the others in lifestyle, nation, and
especially
emotion. Everyone always feels happy, mingled and excited when they are living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
. They can develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
better with a better mood that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
be
Consider using a past participle here: "flourished".
flourish
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the environment and the number of deaths. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
bear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
consequences, it
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to the ecological environment and human health.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
has a completely opposite state compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
they will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
features. It’s easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that population is the most
easily
to point out
first
. Since there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
usually
has higher population ratio than the other one which is decreasing
rapidly
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
such as trauma, mourning, and disease. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has maintained a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship of understanding, equality, and cooperation between nations or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
is having countless conflicts about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
problems,
especially
land and property.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peace
brings happiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
brings sadness. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
from one form to another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
relationship between counties.

As we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
is completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
War
causes us to lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possessions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peaceful
future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
we should try not to cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
or disputes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it even worse.
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IELTS essay Peaceful country verses Violent country

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
478 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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