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peace and the related in sport

peace and the related in sport BLVy9
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about keeping peace problem in the World. However, whether the patriotism and national disputer exist between two nations or not is a hotly debated topic. In my opinion, the territorial disputer can reduce by sport exchanges. First, it maybe true that international sport games such as the Olypic Games or the World Football Cup can be used as a tool to maintain the world peace and show patriotism in secure way. This is because there matches will be recorded or live streamed on Tv and social media. So other nation arould the area will respect the sovereignty as well as the marking of the terrtitory of the opposing nation. Therefore, the sport people can show their nationalism by giving their best effort in the game match. On the other hand, although the tournaments positively affect world peace, some times the athletes and supporters get carried away with their emotions. For example, during a football match between to nations people from other countries obtain suitable information about those cultures, traditional and religious. They help foreign people can understant about other country to they can mutual respect. But the territorial disputer that cannot be resolved by international athletics. We need to find the soirce the problem before solving anything. The conflicts from politics, people and the economy. Beside, we cannot deny the the importance of sport in balancity world peace. In conclusion, people not only do pursue international sporting matches just as an entertainment but they are interested in them because of other aspect of a speorts match which relates to putriotic emotion and politics.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about keeping peace problem in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
.
However
, whether the patriotism and national disputer exist between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
or not is a
hotly
debated topic. In my opinion, the territorial disputer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
exchanges.

First
, it maybe true that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
games such as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olypic
Games or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Football Cup can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
patriotism in secure way. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
will
be recorded
or
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streamed
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
and social media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
Possible spelling mistake found.
arould
the area will respect the sovereignty
as well
as the marking of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
terrtitory
of the opposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their nationalism by giving their best effort in the game match.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although the tournaments
positively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times the athletes and supporters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away with their emotions.
For example
, during a football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
between to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries obtain suitable information about those cultures, traditional and religious. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
understant
about
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other
country to they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can mutual
respect.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the territorial disputer that cannot
be resolved
by international athletics. We need to find the
Possible spelling mistake found.
soirce
the problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
solving anything. The conflicts from politics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the economy. Beside, we cannot deny
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
balancity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.

In conclusion
,
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people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do pursue international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as an entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are interested
in them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspect of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
speorts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
which relates to
Possible spelling mistake found.
putriotic
emotion and politics.
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IELTS essay peace and the related in sport

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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