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Participation in organized school athletics should be required or not

Participation in organized school athletics should be required or not ndkMP
Adolescent whose never exercise could increase the obesity rates on a states. Certain schools consider sports as serious as a mandatory subject such as science while some people are disagree. For me, I personally assume that students should participate in school sports organization. What is the benefits of sport for students? Well, participating in sports or athletics has been known to improve the cognitive and memory functions of the brain, helping students perform better in tests and academics. Further, traits such as discipline and perseverance also play an important part in better academic performance. A great example would be myself; at school I joined a sports club. With abundance tight activities that I have, anything that relates within school or not, exercise provide a fairly good and significant impact. I feel my body less likely to get sick, it improved my sleep quality & my body feels light and fit to run a series of any other activities. In conclusion sport and physical activities are taking a vital role in our lifestyle as a student. To make them as one part of our routine life it is the best way that schools make it as a requirement for students and make them take it seriously, it will help students to keep their mood and develop their learning skills.
Adolescent whose never exercise could increase the obesity rates on
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a state" or simply "states"?
a states
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as serious as a mandatory subject such as science while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
. For me, I
personally
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
organization.

What is the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
? Well, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or athletics has
been known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the cognitive and memory functions of the brain, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
perform better in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and academics.
Further
, traits such as discipline and perseverance
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in better academic performance.

A great example would be myself; at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club. With abundance tight activities that I have, anything that relates within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or not, exercise provide a
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and significant impact. I feel my body less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
my sleep quality & my body feels light and fit to run a series of any other activities.

In conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and physical activities are taking a vital role in our lifestyle as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them as one part of our routine life it is the best way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as a requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them take it
seriously
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mood and develop their learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay Participation in organized school athletics should be required or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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