Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowodoys young peopre orc ddmiring medio ond sporfs sfors, even though they do nol sef o good exomple. Do you fhink fhis is o posifive or o negolive developmenl?

Nowodoys young peopre orc ddmiring medio ond sporfs sfors, even though they do nol sef o good exomple. Do you fhink fhis is o posifive or o negolive developmenl? pX0nm
Celebrities are increasingly becoming role models for the youth as their images and lifestyles are splashed across television, movies, magazines and the lnternet, in today's era of technology. I strongly believe that this is largely a negative development. A number of arguments surround my opinion' To begin with, celebrities are often portrayed drinking heavily or in excess in movies, magazines and on TV' This can be harmful to teens, who pick up on these behaviors, and think it is glamorous to drink excessively like their favorite celebrity. Almost every other day, a celebrity is in trouble with the law in terms of drug abuse or addiction. The youth see their favorite movie stars or singers doing drugs and they think they should also do the same to be like them. Furthermore, some celebrities create impossible standards of beauty, as a result of which more and more young adults feel less confident and more dissatisfied with their looks. Teenagers are at a phase of their life where they undergo massive changes physically, mentally, and emotionally. As celebrities are becoming thinner and thinner, self-confidence of their fans is lost and they suffer from body displeasure. This causes young fans to strive to be unhealthily thin. As a result they stop eating altogether, which may prove fatal at times. Another major issue of concern is that these celebs are endorsing too many products in the market. Youngsters normally like to have a role model they can turn to for how to dress, look and act. Some teenagers spend so much money on celebrity endorsed goods that they are forced to spend all their time working for it. The more obsessed, even demand or steal money from their parents or others. ln conclusion, it could be reiterated that, celebrities influence fans in many ways, most of which are negative. Celebrities need to change the way they behave in public. Their actions have more effect on the youth than many people believe they have. Thin, addicted celebrities are changing the way many young fans think and act. Celebrities need to change these habits now, and realize that they need to be more responsible with their portrayal in the media.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are
increasingly
becoming role models for the youth as their images and lifestyles
are splashed


across television, movies, magazines and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lnternet
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era of technology. I
strongly
believe that

this is
largely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. A number of arguments surround my opinion'

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
portrayed drinking
heavily
or in excess in movies, magazines and on TV'

This can be harmful to teens, who pick up on these behaviors, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is glamorous to drink
excessively


like their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. Almost every other day, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is in trouble with the law in terms of drug

abuse or addiction. The youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their favorite movie stars or singers doing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
drugs and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they

should
also
do the same to be like them.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
create impossible standards of beauty,
as a result
of which more and more

young adults feel less confident and more dissatisfied with their looks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are at a phase of their life

where they undergo massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
physically
, mentally, and
emotionally
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are becoming

thinner and thinner, self-confidence of their fans is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lost and
they suffer from body displeasure. This causes

young fans to strive to be
unhealthily
thin.
As a result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating altogether, which may prove fatal at

times.

Another major issue of concern is that these celebs are endorsing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products in the market.

Youngsters
normally
like to have a role model they can turn to for how to dress, look and act.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
endorsed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that they
are forced
to spend all their time

working for it. The more obsessed, even demand or steal money from their parents or others.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
conclusion, it could
be reiterated
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
influence fans in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, most of which are

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way they behave in public. Their actions have more effect on the

youth than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe they have. Thin, addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are changing the way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young

fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and act.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
these habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and realize that they need to be more

responsible with their portrayal in the media.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Nowodoys young peopre orc ddmiring medio ond sporfs sfors, even though they do nol sef o good exomple. Do you fhink fhis is o posifive or o negolive developmenl?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Nowodoys young peopre orc ddmiring medio ond sporfs sfors, even though they do nol sef o good exomple. Do you fhink fhis is o posifive or o negolive developmenl?