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Part-time voluntary/unpaid work at the museum

Part-time voluntary/unpaid work at the museum YBy3Q
I have read your post on the forum that you are currently looking for part-time voluntary/unpaid worker. I am interested and willing to apply for this position. As I live nearby, I have been visiting your museum quite often. Your exhibition is extraordinary. So, it would be grateful for me to join your team. Moreover, since I have been living in this town for more than 20 years, I know the town’s history well in many perspective. Therefore, I hope that my knowledge will be useful for your museum. I will be available to work by the first of June. I hope you will give me an opportunity to join your team. I am looking forward to your reply. Thank you for your consideration.
I have read your post on the forum that you are
currently
looking for part-time voluntary/unpaid worker. I
am interested
and willing to apply for this position. As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby, I have been visiting your museum quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. Your exhibition is extraordinary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be grateful for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your team.
Moreover
, since I have been living in this town for more than 20 years, I know the town’s history well in
Possible agreement error. The noun perspective seems to be countable; consider using: "many perspectives".
many perspective
.
Therefore
, I hope that my knowledge will be useful for your museum. I will be available to work by the
first
of June. I hope you will give me an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your team.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am looking forward to your reply. Thank you for your consideration.
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IELTS essay Part-time voluntary/unpaid work at the museum

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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