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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries QVw6P
In recent years, there's no doubt that childhood obesity has become a very serious and pressing issue in developed countries. I will analyze reasons that caused this problem and discuss ways to reduce this concerns. First, the main reason why more children are becoming overweight is an unbalanced diet. Most children avoid eating vegetables and they like fast food such as hamburgers or fried foods. As a matter of fact that artificial flavor and sugars in junk food make children to want more foods even though they ate enough. For example, children who have food with vegetables tend to feel full faster than one without vegetables. Furthermore, It is evident that poor nutrition can contribute to stress, tiredness and bad temper and the risk of developing some illnesses and other health problems such as diabetes which causes high blood pressure. Second, with development of technologies, internet is advancing at an amazed speed in present-day society. As a result, children tend to play video games rather than play sports or hang out with friends. Based on this point, they are not enjoying outdoor activities anymore and getting lazy. Consequently, they are becoming overweight. This may affect their academic performance. This is due to the fact that children who has obesity tend to less concentrate on the class and easily lose their interest in anything. To sum up, childhood obesity is a serious problem for developed countries. Therefore, it is desirable for government and people involved to cooperate with each other to battle this concern.
In recent years, there's no doubt that childhood obesity has become a
very
serious and pressing issue in
developed countries
. I will analyze reasons that caused this problem and discuss ways to
reduce
this concerns.

First
, the main reason why more
children
are becoming overweight is an unbalanced diet. Most
children
avoid eating
vegetables and
they like
fast
food
such as hamburgers or fried
foods
. As a matter of fact that artificial flavor and sugars in junk
food
make
children
to want more
foods
even though
they ate
enough
.
For example
,
children
who have
food
with vegetables tend to feel full faster than one without vegetables.
Furthermore
, It is evident that poor nutrition can contribute to
stress
, tiredness and
bad
temper and the
risk
of developing
some
illnesses and other health problems such as diabetes which causes high blood pressure.

Second, with development of technologies, internet is advancing at an amazed speed in present-day society.
As a result
,
children
tend to play video games
rather
than play sports or hang out with friends. Based on this point, they are not enjoying outdoor activities anymore and getting lazy.
Consequently
, they are becoming overweight. This may affect their academic performance.
This is due to the fact that
children
who
has
obesity tend to less concentrate on the
class
and
easily
lose their interest in anything.

To sum up, childhood obesity is a serious problem for
developed countries
.
Therefore
, it is desirable for
government
and
people
involved to cooperate with each other to battle this concern.
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IELTS essay More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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