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Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. v. 2
By and large, it is established beyond doubt that one of the heavy burdens on the shoulder of parents is raising children who are well-adjusted in the societies, away from all prevailing anomalies. To achieve this aim, they motivate their children to experience the trials and tribulations of real life. Stemming from this fact, a relevant question that is a moot point is whether people should make decisions for their children. Due to the controversial nature of this question, there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am, however, to a great extent of the conviction that if children do not make decisions by themselves, they will run into a huge problem and will not grow maturely. The following reasons will aptly substantiate my personal perspective. To commence with, there is no doubt that parents make an effort or bend over backward in order to help their children to reach a long-lasting success. But this achievement by children will be more stable in their personal lives. Generally phrased, parents should allow children to experience life for themselves and face difficulties exclusively. In this way, children or even youth will learn how to behave and how to make a sound decision when running into a serious problem. For instance, consider children who his/her parent make significant decisions for him/her, afterward, he/she will use to his/her parents' decisions making and rely on their opinion. So, in this case, he/she will not learn how to live in future and handle problems solely. To elucidate more on this issue, parents should patronize their children to grow maturely and become experienced in the long run. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that children should learn how to take the responsibility of their acts and live independently. To put in another word, parents should provide an opportunity for their children to be responsible for their works. Indeed, there is a possibility that children do something wrong so, they should learn how to react against their faults. Going into the depth, independent life will help children to be responsible for every works they done and parents should galvanize them to experience life autonomously. However, on the other hand, children are not enough mature to make right decisions and might run into huge problems in their life. In fact, their parents should make an effort to learn them how not to make an idiot decision. As a matter of fact, not until parents support their children can they make a progress day in day out. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that one of the incumbents upon parents is to patronize their children wisely but let them experience life for themselves. In fact, children should learn how to make a sound decision when they confront trials and tribulations. Also, parents should allow their children to experience independent life and take the responsibility for their acts.
By and large, it
is established
beyond doubt that one of the heavy burdens on the shoulder of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are well-adjusted in the societies, away from all prevailing anomalies. To achieve this aim, they motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the trials and tribulations of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Stemming from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, a relevant question
that is
a moot point is whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to the controversial nature of this question, there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am,
however
, to a great extent of the conviction that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by themselves, they will run into a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and will not grow
maturely
. The following reasons will
aptly
substantiate my personal perspective.

To commence with, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an effort or bend over backward in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to reach a long-lasting success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this achievement by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more stable in their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Generally
phrased,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves and face difficulties exclusively. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or even youth will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to behave and how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
when running into a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
For instance
, consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for him/her, afterward, he/she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to his/her
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
making and rely on their opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in this case
, he/she will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in future and handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
solely
. To elucidate more on this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should patronize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow
maturely
and become experienced in the long run.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to take the responsibility of their acts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
. To put in another word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide an opportunity for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be responsible for their works.
Indeed
, there is a possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to react against their faults. Going into the depth, independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be responsible for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "work"?
works
they done and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should galvanize them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
autonomously
.

However
,
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and might run into huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
them how not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an idiot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. As a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, not until
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a progress day in day out.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that one of the incumbents upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is to patronize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
when they confront trials and tribulations.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and take the responsibility for their acts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
482 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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