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Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. v. 1
Better medical facilities have effected in individuals living a long life and gradual growth in the mortality rate. This essay agrees that the benefits outweighs the drawbacks of the development. The below paragraphs will discuss both the aspects in detail. To begin with, healthy individuals are the backbone of the nation's economic growth. In other words, people living longer will give more to the country in terms of their field of expertise. Like, individuals who work as scientists or doctors will give new inventions and cure to diseases after working for many years. Second, new technological innovations will begin worldwide and the planet will be ready to face any disaster. Third, elderly people can try different careers as they will have enough time to do so. For instance, a retired teacher can take cooking as a new career and start a hotel or a cafe for financial support. However, there are a few setbacks of increased life expectancy as there will be more competition in the job market. Next, the population will continue to rise at a tremendous scale. Higher population will have major effects on the planet and would lead to natural imbalance. For example, cutting down of trees for land and eradication of wildlife has resulted in global warming and other calamities. In conclusion, after analysing both the sides, it is clear that the effects of upgrade in the health sector are beneficial. By increasing life expectancy of the humans, more advancements happen in the world. This essay proves that the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.
Better medical facilities have effected in individuals living a long life and gradual growth in the mortality rate. This essay
agrees
that the benefits outweighs the drawbacks of the development. The below paragraphs will discuss both the aspects in detail.

To
begin
with, healthy individuals are the backbone of the nation's economic growth.
In other words
,
people
living longer will give more to the country in terms of their field of expertise. Like, individuals who work as scientists or doctors will give new inventions and cure to diseases after working for
many
years. Second, new technological innovations will
begin
worldwide and the planet will be ready to face any disaster. Third, elderly
people
can try
different
careers as they will have
enough
time to do
so
.
For instance
, a retired teacher can take cooking as a new career and
start
a hotel or a
cafe
for financial support.

However
, there are a few setbacks of increased life expectancy as there will be more competition in the job market.
Next
, the population will continue to rise at a tremendous scale. Higher population will have major effects on the planet and would lead to natural imbalance.
For example
, cutting down of trees for land and eradication of wildlife has resulted in global warming and other calamities.

In conclusion
, after
analysing
both the sides, it is
clear
that the effects of upgrade in the health sector are beneficial. By increasing life expectancy of the humans, more advancements happen in the world. This essay proves that the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Parents should take important decision for their older teenage children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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