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Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. Do you agree or disagree?

Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. 9MVw
The children need more attention from their parents in aiding them with their off-school tasks. I completely agree with the argument, as the children feel more comfortable with their studies and will generate a strong bond with their parents. The support of parents in assisting the homework will make the children more encouraged and satisfied with their studies. In this fast-paced world, children are anxious about their studies and if they do not get much attention from their parents, they will struggle desperately. By spending more time helping with their homework, parents can tackle the issues confronting them and can help them steer their future decisions. For example, a recent survey conducted by CNN on ten thousand students globally shows that more than 80 percent of them are struggling and uncomfortable with their studies, because of the lesser attention and support from their parents in doing the off-school activities. Secondly, finding more time with children in helping with their homework will build a strong connection with their parents. Eventually, the children become stress-free and start to communicate openly with their parents, regarding the difficulties in their curriculum. This will improve the mental and physical health of the children, which is crucial at that stage. They will start to see the love and affection of their parents, which in turn sow a seed in their hearts and transmit to the next generation. For instance, the famous inventor Thomas Alva Edison has quoted in his autobiography about the strong connection and love with his mother, who spent more time with him in helping his coursework back in the home, as he was about to kick-off from school due to his inability to learn new subjects. To summarize, I fully agree with the opinion that, spending more time and energy with children in helping their academic works will enhance the relationship between the parents and make children adamant and relaxed before subjects.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need more attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in aiding them with their off-school tasks. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel more comfortable with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and will generate a strong bond with their parents.

The support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in assisting the homework will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more encouraged and satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are anxious about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they will struggle
desperately
. By spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
helping with their homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can tackle the issues confronting them and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them steer their future decisions.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by CNN on ten thousand students globally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 80 percent of them are struggling and uncomfortable with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lesser attention and support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in doing the off-school activities.

Secondly
, finding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in helping with their homework will build a strong connection with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Eventually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to communicate
openly
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, regarding the difficulties in their curriculum. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mental and physical health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which is crucial at that stage. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which in turn sow a seed in their hearts and transmit to the
next
generation.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
inventor Thomas Alva Edison has quoted in his autobiography about the strong connection and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with his mother, who spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with him in helping his coursework back in the home, as he was about to kick-off from school due to his inability to learn new subjects.

To summarize
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in helping their academic works will enhance the relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adamant and relaxed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
subjects.
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IELTS essay Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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