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In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? k9Gd
There has been increase a lot of channels and newspaper for the news in last few years and nowadays, in rapid lifestyle countable youngster follows to paper news and news channels. Despite the increasing numerous news channels and newspapers, youngsters are uninterested for the pursue news on print and electronic media. They think it’s time consummated, traditional and boring of the representation. To commence with, newspaper generally received in the morning and that is busiest time for the youngsters, they have to be ready for the schools and colleges. Other side, nowadays there is not much interesting and informative news for them therefore, they cannot attract to more. Third thing is that, they have already they study load, completion of assignment and also some research work and so on, that is main barrier for them. Apart from them, youngster spend their most of time with the social media websites consequently, they become fat from the traditional things. However, Social media and online applications providing news and live streaming that are more convenient for them. They can smoothly access that, kind of news at bus stop, in waiting room and other places. Furthermore, they can provide other amenities like; you can share the post and also comments. What is more, in the digitalization youngsters befall conversant with the each update. To conclude, I would like to say that, in the use of technologies news and other innovative activities happen more convenient to the youngsters, that is better advancement for them. Also accessible resources and guidelines would be extremely fruitful.
There has been increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
channels and newspaper for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in last few years and nowadays, in rapid lifestyle countable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
follows to paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels. Despite the increasing numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels and newspapers, youngsters
are uninterested
for
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'pursue' is correct. If 'pursue' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on print and electronic media. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s time consummated, traditional and boring of the representation.

To commence with, newspaper
generally
received in the morning and
that is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the busiest".
busiest
time for the youngsters, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ready for the schools and colleges.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
side, nowadays there is not much interesting and informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for them
therefore
, they cannot attract to more. Third thing is that, they have already they study load, completion of assignment and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
that is
main barrier for them. Apart from them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
spend their
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
with the social media websites
consequently
, they become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
from the traditional things.

However
, Social media and online applications providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
that are more convenient for them. They can
smoothly
access that, kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
at bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
, in waiting room and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places.
Furthermore
, they can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
amenities like; you can share the post and
also
comments.
What is more
, in the digitalization youngsters befall conversant with
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
update.

To conclude
, I would like to say that, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
innovative activities happen more convenient to the youngsters,
that is
better advancement for them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
accessible resources and guidelines would be
extremely
fruitful.
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IELTS essay In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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