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Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. v. 2
It has been argued that parent involvement in home exercise from school should bring some benefits for their children. This essay agrees with this statement because it helps to build stronger family relationship and parents will achieve substantial cost savings for not taking their children to extra classes. Firstly, when children receive guidance in homework from their parents, their bond will become better. Time for doing assignments is mainly occupied rather than any other activities at home. Therefore, it’s a quality time for parents to have a better understanding of their kids’ strengths and weaknesses which results in the improvement of family communication. In addition, practicing school work at home is the component that never ends, particularly in their future career; so it helps not only for better communication when they’re at school-aged but also when they mature. A recent study found that children who get help from parents have a lifelong bond between parents and children. Secondly, it makes a huge saving for parents as their children don’t go to extra classes. Most students attend extra classes with the aim of keeping up with the knowledge they have learnt in class if they’re weak. With the help of parents, extra class is no longer necessary and family expenses are reduced. A recent research concluded that children who receive their parents’ help are more independent and more critical in thinking than those who attend tutoring class. In summary, parents have vital roles in the child’s educational journey that they should make more time being their child’s educators in homework. The reasons are their bond will be improved and there’ll come the significant reduction in budget.
It has
been argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
involvement in home exercise from school should bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to build stronger family relationship and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will achieve substantial cost savings for not taking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes.

Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive guidance in homework from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, their bond will become better. Time for doing assignments is
mainly
occupied
rather
than any other activities at home.
Therefore
, it’s a quality time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have a better understanding of their kids’ strengths and weaknesses which results in the improvement of family communication.
In addition
, practicing school work at home is the component that never ends,
particularly
in their future career;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for better communication when they’re at school-aged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
when they mature. A recent study found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a lifelong bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children.

Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge saving for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don’t go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Most students attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
with the aim of keeping up with the knowledge they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
if they’re weak. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is no longer necessary and family expenses are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. A recent research concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who receive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
are more independent and more critical in thinking than those who attend tutoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have vital roles in the child’s educational journey that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more time being their child’s educators in homework. The reasons are their bond will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and there’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
the significant reduction in budget.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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