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Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing sports. Do you agree or disagree

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing sports. 3gakd
Study and sports or outdoor physical activities both are very important in every person's life moreover it is undeniable truth that those things play very crucial role in the lives but some people believe that study is more important than other activities that thing that doing or playing physical km service of time but actually sports are very beneficial for one's mind and body to and is very helpful because a person can concerted in the one particular thing with that it is it develops very positive things such as teamwork never give up attitude and so on but studies and zinc readable incredible important as that because study decides what you will do in future and what will you achieve in future so I slightly agree with this statement that parents should encourage their kids to spend less time in studying rather than doing sports activities Firstly as I've mentioned before that study is necessary thing for the more it is the first priority of you students to make a great career in study related field for example if a person is not studying and he and she spend his or her time in sports and he or she is not very well at that so that it is not a good development in addition a child can do anything if he or she have enough and satisfied knowledge so it is the main aspect of our life However sports and other activities are also major aspects of our life because after doing great hard work and sacrifice people can get more money as compared to study related companies employees and many other people say that empty mind is devil's house it illustrate this that if a person only do study at home and do not go outside to play sports or do not communicate with others friends and relatives so that on the other hand it has very it is not good for his or her and sport helps to broaden her imagination and creativity so it has some plus points too But to conclude I think that parents should first encourage their children to spend the valuable time behind study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or outdoor physical activities both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in every person's life
moreover
it is undeniable truth that those things play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities that thing that doing or playing physical km service of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for one's mind and body to and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a person can concerted in the one particular thing with that it is it develops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things such as teamwork never give up attitude and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and zinc readable incredible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
decides what you will do in future and what will you achieve in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that parents should encourage their kids to spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in studying
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities

Firstly
as I've mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is necessary thing for the more it is the
first
priority of
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
related field
for example
if a person is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studying and
he and she spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
he or she is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well at that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development
in addition
a child can do anything if he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and satisfied knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the main aspect of our life

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities are
also
major aspects of our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after doing great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and sacrifice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
employees and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that empty mind is devil's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
it illustrate this that if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home and do not go outside to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or do not communicate with others friends and relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to broaden her imagination and creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plus points too

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to conclude
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parents should
first
encourage their children to spend the valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
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IELTS essay Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying and more time doing sports.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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