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Nowaday, children spend more time playing computer games and less time on sports. Why is it case ?

Nowaday, children spend more time playing computer games and less time on sports. Why is it case? ygX3D
In today’s fast changing world, the development of technology is increasing sharply with a large number of games, online apps, . . . which lead to children spending more time playing computer games, video calling all day and less time for outdoor sports. It is a very serious issue among teenagers nowaday for some reasons. Firstly, the increase of the number of apps and games attract children more than sports. Many people think that having a video chat with friends is more convenient than meeting them in the park to play sports. With a variety of filters and emojis on the internet, that makes teenagers spend a large amount of time playing and trying the other news. Secondly, on the internet, children can have new friends from all over the world through inter-apps or playing games with foreign friends. The next is because of the covid disease, playing outdoor sports is very difficult for everyone. In their freetime, to release the study burden, teenagers usually play computer games at home. Although there are some reasons for the increase of time people play online games, watching computers for a long time leads to many problems. If sports can help teenagers improve social skills, teamworks, and playing games can decrease their real-relationship. Children have no chances to learn about teamwork or skill talking in public without going outside. It is very difficult to communicate with other people in real life when they are chatting on the internet too much. Moreover, with no sports to train the body and have a healthier and active lifestyle, teenagers can have many health’s problems such as eyes or autism. In conclusion, the phenomenon of playing online games all day is one of the most serious issues nowaday. Government and family should have more solutions to improve this problem in children.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing world, the development of technology is increasing
sharply
with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, online apps
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, video calling all day and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious issue among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

Firstly
, the increase of the number of apps and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a video chat with friends is more convenient than meeting them in the park to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. With a variety of filters and emojis on the internet, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and trying the other news.
Secondly
, on the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have new friends from all over the world through inter-apps or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with foreign friends. The
next
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
disease,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for everyone. In their
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
, to release the study burden,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
usually
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
play online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, watching computers for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
teamworks
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can decrease their real-relationship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have no chances to learn about teamwork or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
talking in public without going outside. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to communicate with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in real life when they are chatting on the internet too much.
Moreover
, with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to train the body and have a healthier and active lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health’s problems such as eyes or autism.

In conclusion
, the phenomenon of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all day is one of the most serious issues
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowaday
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and family should have more solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS essay Nowaday, children spend more time playing computer games and less time on sports. Why is it case?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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